I was living the same life everyday of being stuck in this routine of working so hard to have nothing materialistic in my life. I know for those of you who are that down to earth your basically under the earth and materialistic things in this world wouldn’t matter, but for myself I am down to earth but I love doing fun things, buying consumer goods, eating good food, and seeing beautiful sites. But had to go into debt living this life that was not real just to keep a smile on my face, I know no excuses but here is my excuse… I live a life where I work and support my mom due to many illnesses that we will get into some as we figure out on my journey, I live a life where everyone and everything matters to me and sometimes I noticed that some of the people and things that matter to me well simply I just don’t matter to them. I also live a life where I am forced to think about illness and death a lot and have been forced to think about because it has been injected into my life since childhood years. Yes it is true I used to have picnics at the cemetery and meet new friends there and play with the ducks pick flowers, but I enjoyed those days was not until about the age of seven that I realized why I was there to help clean a tombstone and talk to my grandfather then walk down the row of tombstones never to step on one to visit my grandparents friends.
With all of this death, illness, issues, you might think I lived life under a grey cloud, but by the grace of God I see the light in everything. Sure it may seem like a coping mechanism and you are right but for me and what I believe in prayer and hope should be the only mechanism I need. Sure you know I had more mechanisms, the good life of buying trying and seeing new things was the other and the debt I put myself into was of no concern. I also had planned to become a successful what not famous for the where not and use the power to help the world a little bit at a time. Since this dream came into my heart I have not lost the site of the goal, it just gets pushed further back and the goal alters with the complications of life. Playing the lotto or slowly trying to put myself out there to get foot by foot into the door of something to get a jump start on my dream of success, then it became clear in my heart I was not trying to become successful in this world for just me but for my mother. The joy of giving her a carefree life would be the meaning of success. Now the question of just what would give her that sense of freedom comes to light, sure I thought money was the main thing that would make her happy because that was all we fought about. However I don’t think that is it; I think a life of not having to worry about anything including herself, and to let her be the mom again in our relationship and hopefully one day the grandma to my kids. Give her a home with peace and quiet when she wanted and loud when not, to let her daughter become successful at anything and everything I put my mind too as she tells me all the time I can do is what will make her happy. Now I invite you on the ride of a lifetime to see if I can give her the world, help this world, and can be successful at the abundance of life God as given to me.