I know that I want to see the world one day, something that my mom might want to do but I wouldn’t know because she has never mentioned. Besides her wanting to see Tahiti, I have never heard her say anything about wanting to see the Eiffel tower or Big Ben, the magical color blue in Greece, or even the Statue of Liberty. I guess there has to be some people who would prefer to be where they feel safe, or maybe she just could not afford it so she did not want to bring and get not only her but my hopes of travel up either.
When she got sick and others got sick and some died, I realize that life is not promised. I began to pray every night for a new tomorrow, sometimes wondering if I would survive the night as you know from my other blog. I am finding myself afraid to step out paranoid of what this world has got to offer, I stop myself and ask ‘Do you or do you not trust in God?” and “What has happened to you personally that makes you afraid of God’s world?” And the only thought that comes to mind is nothing.. I want to see new things, feel new things, taste new things, and learn new things… much more I want to take my mom, boyfriend and my goddaughter with me!!
In San Francisco, my boyfriend and I can barely afford a studio. If you want a family home, raise kids, and still be able to feed your family and yourself you have to move across a bridge. I love being close to my family but I also want to be that Joan Clever type of mom, and it is more clear then ever that it will not be able to happen here in SF. I want to take a chance and live somewhere new, live life how life is meant to be lived. Be amerced into a new setting a new culture where you have no choice but to live life and grow into the habitat, and yes give up with what I am comfortable and safe with. No not completely! I am only human and I wish I could eat my cake and have it too… (I know that was backwards but it makes more sense!) I want to move to somewhere new and take my whole family with me… Let’s all try something new together! Seeing that I wont be able to move my whole family somewhere crazy with me so I am either going to stay here where everyone knows your name and or wait till I build up the courage to go and move somewhere new!
I guess life is one big personal negotiation battle, weighing out the pro’s and the cons..