Of course us women as young girls up until the day that we are engaged we dream of that Kim Kardahsian wedding either the second or the third big grand event. However now that I am in what some like the Duggars (my favorite good for the soul tv show) call a courtship I have to think about an inexpensive wedding with a big guestlist. First thing that comes to mind is how am I going to feed everyone and where am I going to fit everyone. Of course I can try and cut down my guest list but not only does my disorder makes it so I have a fear of hurting feelings, I also would like to celebrate with my family and friends of well wishers! When I was younger and even sometimes today I get anxious about hurting the feelings of food and other material objects, I can already tell this is going to be the issue in my heart when I have to make the guest list and bridal party list, I am not even engaged yet and it already plays out in my mind. As for my S/O’s mind the budget repeatedly crosses his mind, and all I can do is remind him not to worry about it we are not engaged yet and only God knows what could happen between now and then. Maybe we will hit the lottery!!