I Lied To You

Hi Guys!

I have come today to be honest with you all. I have been lying to you for all these years! I’m sorry!

Yes I have depression.. anxiety.. diabetes.. fibromyalgia.. and making list after list does in fact keep me calm!

But besides this I have not been myself on here or on YouTube! I have been trying my hardest to portray the characteristics of the popular girls. Why because I wanted to be liked by the world and be successful at this life.

I can’t hold up to this facade anymore it is so tiring. I need to be myself! TBH it is not working either so what do I have to lose!?

I am Victoria and I am a city girl who is country at heart. I don’t think I will ever have a modern home.. I want a country farmhouse home but currently just have a normal home that is not decorated to the nines.

I am quirky and nerdy and dress kind of weird.. I don’t mind being in what some don’t considered trendy clothing as long as I am dressed cute and comfy to me!

I live for food, fashion(my style), and beauty! I try my best to incorporate food into my fashion and beauty 95% of the time! I am the biggest animal lover (also incorporated into my fashion) and cry almost everyday because of animal videos or looking at adoption websites!

I am overly sensitive like more sensitive than most young children.. if there is a story on about Christmas or love or a talent show on tv I will cry! Not just cry but ball my eyes out!

If I could have Christmas decor up 24/7 365 days a year.. I WOULD!! I am going to try doing Christmas at Halloween time this year coming! I want to be Mrs. Claus and decorating my home as the North Pole! I have believed in Santa for 34 years and will never not!

I am an organized dreamer.. I dream of one day marrying my best friend but have accepted that that may not happen and as long as I am with him and we are happy in life I will be wonderful. Just like I dream of being a mom via adoption because I don’t want to be pregnant.. but also accept that I may just be a fur mom and the cool aunt to my nieces and nephews! I dream of homes.. food.. travel.. even my wardrobe picks for seasons to come even if I will never have these things. But the reason I say organized is because it starts as a list and ends in a slideshow show presentation sometimes with a buying plan. I can show you my organization on another blog. However I think I dream so much because of things that I have been through and it helps me hide in oblivion behind sparkles and sequins!

Things that have happened to me were the reason I acted out and made poor choices at times in life or wanted to be someone else.. but I have prayed continually to God for forgiveness and guidance for myself and the ones who victimized me! I have been forgiven by God and know that everyone makes mistakes.. my mistakes have everything to do with who I am!

My family especially my SO.. my mom.. and my goddaughter.. and all of my family also have helped me to be a better me and truly mean everything to me and if I could do little things or big things to make them happy.. that is my goal in life! It’s makes me happy to see the ones I love happy!

I HOPE YALL CAN ACCEPT ME FOR ME!

I want to revamp my blog theme and my YouTube site.. I need to be myself. I love being funny while talking about the things I love. It doesn’t matter if I am successful at these things as much as I would like to be.. I can no longer do this to try and be a popular one.. I just need to be me.. and if the world likes me then it’s a blessing but if they don’t then that’s okay because I love me and that is a bigger blessing!

Until next time my pretties!!

Love Toria Louise

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New Anxiety Technique

Sorry not sorry for the super long post!

I know my normal blogging has turned into more list of pictures and what not.. But this post is going to be all about ANXIETY and if you have it this may help you…

As many of you know I have:

  1. Anxiety
  2. Depression
  3. Hypersensitivity
  4. Possibly Fibromyalgia
  5. Diabetes and more!

I have really been going through it lately! So much so that I was hurting my body with the amount of pressure that I was allowing my anxiety to put inside me. The pulling of my neck… migraines… chest pressure… stomach aches.. Recently I was given medicine for what may be Fibromyalgia (that I should take more religiously so I could get rid of the pain) and yes thinking about the mobility pain made me nervous but the idea of taking medicine makes me even more nervous -_- !

Imagine living with your stomach feeling constant dread, your mind always worried, your body shaky and now you’re sometimes stuttering.. Y’all must think I am so stupid for not taking the pills to help my pain.. I sometimes think the same but knowing I was not only scared about taking the medicine, the pain, and everything else but I was also soooo wrapped up with what everyone thought about me. I guess you can say I cared so much that I forgot about ME!

Let’s go back a month or so… I was at work which is a place that already gives me major anxiety because I always try to do my very best to perform well at whatever roll I am in. (no matter what the roll every roll plays a part in your success, your bank accounts success, and company success) For the most part my peers notice my work ethic from day one but I have been dealt a handful of people who do not and it bothered me. I just hate when someone thinks bad of me…

At the same time big changes were happening in my household as my SO was leaving the company we both had worked for and moving to a new state. No surprise but I am horrible with change.. If you couldn’t tell. He will be commuting back and forth and eventually I will make the move and join him. This change meant I would be leaving not only family and friends but everything I have ever known.

I knew I needed to seek help and speak with my therapist… so I called and made an appointment.  While there my doctor told me about this training or seminar she recently attended and a new technique she learned and even practiced herself on herself.  I am not sure about the name but basically when you feel the anxiety to begin to knock at your door you invite the anxiety in but not only in but to give you everything it has.  I know this may sound strange or if you’re like me this may sound life and death drastically dangerous.  I gave my doctor the side eye and honestly took in the info but thought I would never be strong enough to even try this.

The next day I was at work… needless to say my stomach was churning butterflies and anxiety was getting ready for lift off. I decided to talk to it (learning that yes anxiety is its own being and no anxiety is not who I am) and asked kindly “anxiety give me all you got!” I began to feel stronger than it and a little angry at it so I said to it “YOU CAN’T HURT ME.” Now really feeling strong I demanded for it “to hit me with its best shot!” I could feel the anxiety building up like that feeling you get when you’re about to puke. The anxiety started in my gut and kept rising into my throat.

I could tell the anxiety wanted me to give in and stay weak but I didn’t. No matter how scared I was I encouraged the anxiety to keep going. I was literally nauseated from this. All of a sudden… finally… I COULD BREATHE!!! In my mind I had just vomited all of my anxiety out and it was all over the floor fading away.

The way I felt after was a sense of relief. When thinking about the intense changes coming my way I got excited for the adventure ahead. I got excited for my family and friends to come and visit. And when it came to work.. I am moving leaving this company anyways and as I will always be the type of person to give a roll my best… if some chose not to notice or encourage that well that is eventually there loss. Since the first time with this technique I have been kind of calm and back to my old self just a tad.  I used to be the type of person who was good with doing my best and just rolling with everything that came my way. What is meant to be will be and God has a reason for everything!

Until this past Monday which marked the week prior to my SO leaving! My mind has been going in circles and anxiety skyrocketing. I have not tried to use the technique yet because I feel like everyday it will hit me especially the day he takes off on this journey and I am not mentally ready for this battle again.

BTW- I have realized that anxiety has been here so long I have started to use it as a security blanket.. so scary to think about how much power IT has!
-To be continued-

Anxiety Helpers

BTW my phone is broken and that is why my featured pic is not edited like all the recent ones… let’s get started!!

I know I have been away AGAIN.. but so many changes are happening and things I am trying to keep my anxiety and depression levels low and mellow.  So I thought I would share a list of the top 5 things I do to win the fight.  Maybe not a fun list of pictures but hopefully a helpful list to some.

1.Make List-

I know this is no secret but for me personally list have been my coping mechanism for decades.  I would make list of things I liked in catalogs before the internet gave me wish list online.  When I list things that I want to do or things I want to purchase and actually make it happen it boost my confidence and gives me this amazing burst of hope that whoops my anxieties ass. 

2.Plan-

I enjoy planning everything from events, trips, holidays, wardrobes, anything and everything I can think of and I have a process to my method. The best thing about planning is the design or them..

  1. Start with a concept on paper.  List after list after list.
  2. Take it to Pinterest.  Create a board.
  3. Take both the list and board to create a Google slide doc.
  4. Present the slides to myself and whoever wants or needs to see my plans.

Here is a bit of an example of my Google slides… The slides make my plans come to life.. if you want some help doing Google slides I am always here to help!! No I am not engaged but I love weddings and dream of the day I will be planning my own!!

3.Organize-

Let’s not get this backwards I am queen of the messy children.. I am normally exhausted emotionally and physically from fighting the good war inside of my body.  Someone who is reading this may not know that there is a mental battle in the minds of those who suffer from any type of emotional stress.  I feel bad for those who have any type of emotional issue and they are not used to the strain it will put on them but imagine what the ones who have a mental disorder such as anxiety go through.  They have a war in their brains to try and maintain this “normal” appearance to the world. For myself and almost all of us I have more than 1.. I have three 1.Depression 2.Anxiety and 3.Hyper Sensitivity… needless to say with my mental disorders and diabetes plus asthma I am physically and mentally beat up everyday of my life.  So when I get home from a 12 hour shift at work I really just want to drop my items.. eat food and go to sleep..

But there are times when I get tired of looking at the war-zone and get the urge to purge all of my items.  Clothing, food, makeup, home goods… and even the tiniest lent spec on my bed will skeeve me out.  During these times everything I own as a place and I try to keep them in that place!

4.Shopping-

I know coming from a shopaholic this sounds bad… but shopping for food, apparel, accessories, gifts, makeup just makes me feel like something new is coming into my life and it’s a new day “I can breathe easier”.  Whenever I am extra stressed I turn to a store to find the deals.. I can also say that I am better because I am at least budgeting in the shopping instead of just going for what makes me happy.  Now I just need to save money and shop at the same time!!

5.The last one is the big one that I should do first but when I get anxiety I think of this one last in the battle… this is a 5 step process that I saw online one day and have used it ever since:

FIND 54321(my name I think)

  1. 5 things you can see and say them out loud
  2. 4 things you can touch and say them out loud
  3. 3 things you can hear and say them out loud
  4. 2 things you can smell and say them out loud
  5. 1 thing you can taste and say it out loud

No matter if you are new or old to this war of mental health try this one first or any of these.  I have a bunch more mechanisms but these are the ones that I do most.  It is worth mentioning that the “smell” thing one.. I always smell my perfume because it is an intentional familiar scent.  I am thinking I may post another list of my methods.. But looking forward to hearing what you think of this list and if you have any for me try.

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Moving Wants: Mom’s Room

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List..List..List..List..List (in my Riri voice)

Okay so we are a few rooms in now and if you did not know.. I am planning on taking my mommy with me.  I am her caregiver and her only child so it is only natural that I take her with me! And her little doggy too!!

So now we are here building a Decor Inspo post for her room.. You know the drill this series is all about the list of things that I need from room to room.  This gives you a look into my decor hopefuls and I can not wait to show you how it turns out when we finally move in. ( still about 18 months)

I can not say it enough.. I am so so happy to have my mom with me again.. We are super close and are best friends!  I know this will be a hard transition for my mom as well as a culture shock when she is away from everything and everyone (besides us) she knows (especially Lani)… so I am hoping to fill her room with positive and bright decor.  Especially elephants with the trunks up(in honor of a love started by my Nana)!

BTW thank you internet for the great inspirational pics! (Links added)

 

Bed- (we have a queen size mattress set for her)

yellow-hb

Bedding

colourful-bs

elephant-bs

 

Furniture- White and bright

dog-crate

dresser2nd-dresser

 

Accent Furniture-

loveseat-mama

book-case

mirror

 

Accent Decor-

family-pics

happy-art

elephant-pillow

elephant-wa

curtains-mr

elephant-lamp

 

 

 

For Doggie-

dog-feedings-area

 

doggie-pee-pad

doggie-stairs

 
As I said for my Mama’s room there is nothing more important to me then to make this comfortable relaxing peaceful serene and beautiful.  I know at this time in my life I can not give her a big house or expensive gifts but if I can give her a room to call all her own decorated to her idea of beautiful than I would feel like a good daughter.  She deserves relaxation and serenity in life.. She has done so much for so many and it is time I give her some overdue relaxation.

Come Say Hi:

Twitter @prettytoria415

Insta @starvingprettytoria

SnapChat @toria415

YouTube: Pretty Toria

🐘

 

Lifestyle Wants: Fun Hair Needed

The reason I say need is because I need something new for my hair and what better than a vivid fun bright color! After all it will be my birthday and I will color my hair if I want to!

 

Last year I went to an amazing salon in East Stroudsburg PA (I went to Sereena, how I wish she was here in the Bay Area) and got “Raspberry Sorbet” which is a violet fuchsia ombre and it turned out so amazing.. And I mean so so super amazing that it makes me want to take the plunge and do a whole head of color.  

 

>>>>>Click here to check out the amazing Hot Heads Salon in PA<<<<<

 

Here is my amazing hair do… And yes that is Sereena’s Instagram so support her!  @hairbysereena

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Now I want to show you a few of my color options(10 of them).. as you already know I am not going for a so called ordinary hair color.. I am taking a chance and adding magic into my hair.  Please let me know what color you like most.

 

1.Blue

blue-hair

2.Orange

orange-hair

3.Green

green-hair

4.Mint

mint-hair

5.Mauve

mauve-hair

6.Navy

navy-hair

7.Pink/Purple

pinky-purple-hair

8.Teal

teal-hair

9.Grey

grey-hair

10.Blue/Grey

blue-grey-hair
Okay so I am hoping with in two weeks my hair will be dyed one of these fantastic colors and to be honest they are listed with my top pick being number one.  It’s only hair so I might as well have fun with it!

Also how are you feeling about these list.. I have tons of journals full of list and they are my absolute favorite thing to do in my down time.

Come Say Hi:

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Snap Chat- @toria415

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Moving Wants:Guest Room

That’s right you read the title correctomundo… we are moving again.

 

We have moved each year since we have been together but this time we are moving for his work and moving to another state.  I have not made the announcement of where just yet so I would like to see the guesses in the comments.  I will say we are getting much more space for way less.  We are not exactly sure on the moving date but it will be within the next 18 months I suspect and you know nothing wrong with planning ahead!

 

This series is all about the list of things that I need or want from room to room.  This gives you a look into my decor hopefuls and I can not wait to show you how it turns out when we finally move in.

 

I am excited for the whole process but one of the coolest rooms will be the guest room which will also double as my filming space for YouTube!  That means no having to to take down the lights and cameras unless we have guests coming to stay.. and yes we will have a room for guests to visit since we are moving out of state.

 

BTW thank you internet for the great inspirational pics!

 

Bed- (we already have an extra full size mattress)

  • Cream Metal Bed Frame

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Bedding- Ruffled

  • Gray

img_8971

  • Mauve

img_8972

  • Taupe

img_8970

 

Furniture- White/Cream

  • Nightstand

img_8973

  • Tall Dresser

img_8974

 

Lighting- Silver Mercury Glass

  • Bedside

img_8975

  • Floor Lamp

img_8976

 

Accent Furniture

  • Gray Sectional Sofa Bed

img_8977

  • Mauve Accent Chair

img_8978

  • Marble Side Table

img_8979

  • Floor Mirror

img_8981

  • Crate Bookcase

img_8980

 

Accent Decor

  • Ruffled Curtains

img_8982

  • Mauve Fur Pillows

img_8983img_8984

  • Taupe Sequined Pillows

img_8986img_8985

  • Cream Ruffle Pillow

img_8987

  • Taupe Rug

img_8988

  • Mauve Gallery Wall

img_8989

  • Mercury Glass Bookcase Decor

img_8990

 

So that is what I have in mind so far and I can not wait to get into our new place and hopefully decorate to look as close to my vision as possible.  Stay tuned for more rooms and more looking into my busy mind.

 

Also if you want to see some Travel Wants: Food just click ! I am going to post updates to all of these post with food I get to try and stuff I buy.. So of course I will be updating here and YouTube but also recent current time updates on Snap Chat and Insta which I have listed below!!

 

Love you guys..

 

SoMe

Twitter- @prettytoria415

Insta- @starvingprettytoria

Snap Chat- @toria415

YouTube- Pretty Toria <<<click that<<<

 

Lifestyle Wants: Figuring A Skincare Routine

I am semi new to the skincare process… meaning I have always washed and exfoliated my face.  I have always taken off my make up with a wipe and have moisturized.. But that is it and there so much more to having healthy skin.

 

But I am very skittish to slop the creams, serums, and other stuff all over my face without knowing if there will be a certain reaction to it.  The types of reactions I am prone to is 1. Nauseousness from the smell of the product and 2. Very seldom I do get a skin irritation from certain products that I yet to confirm which products those are.

 

Due to the 2 negative reactions I could have- 1. being avoidable and 1. only try and test will help… I have kind of put my skincare on the back burner and now… I have combo dry skin that is oily in some spots but dry everywhere!!!!!

 

Now that I am going to work on organizing my life with the help of list list list.. I figure I can routinely add in skincare.  Make time for myself  to relax while all the same take care of this very important thing in life SKIN!

 

Here is what I am thinking the routine should be for AM and PM and I would appreciate any feedback and or suggestions on products.

 

After Wake-Up

1.Cleanser- Daily

2.Toner- Daily

3.Rough Exfoliant- Every 3 Days(opposite to night exfoliants)

4.Target Treatment- As Needed

5.Serum-Daily

6.Light Skin Mask- Prior To Full Face Makeup

7.Sunscreen- Daily

 

Before Sleep

1.Make Up Remover- As Needed

2.Relaxation Cleanser- Nightly

3.Gentle Exfoliant- Every 3 Nights(opposite to day exfoliants)

4.Target Treatment- As Needed

5.Night Serum- Nightly

6.Relaxation Moisturizer- Nightly

7.Skin Mask- Twice A Week(opposite to pre-makeup mask)

 

Specific-

Lips:

1.Scrub- Daily

2.Balm- Daily

3.Mask- Once a week

4.Moisturizer- Nightly

 

Eye:

1.Cooling- Once A Week Daytime

3.Patches- Once A Week Nighttime

 

Nose:

1.Blackhead Remover- Once A Week Nighttime

 

All of the above came from me doing and watching plenty of research and combining a routine that seemed feasible for my own life or the one I am working up to.  It may seem like a lot of work but once I get into the groove… it should become second nature and easy to do with hands tied behind my back.

 

For SPF we all know how important it is to apply this everyday rain or shine.  The good thing about makeup nowadays is that most of it comes stocked with SPF.  My favorite foundation is IT Cosmetics CC+ Cream Illumination with SPF 50+, it is my go to and it is amazing.. I recommend for everyone out there.  I can skip the face sunscreen in the AM if I am doing a full face when using that foundation but to be honest I do anyways only because why not double the protection.

 

I have so many more routine type blogs to type out for you.. Makeup, Hair, AM routine, PM routine (non skin care lol)!  And if there is a specific one you want to see just let me know!  Now begins my favorite part of trial and error… shopping taking it home and trying it out.  I will post haul video’s on my YouTube <<click<< and when I have a final product routine I will post on here on there and everywhere.  

 

Come Say HI

Twitter- @prettytoria415

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YouTube- PrettyToria