New Anxiety Technique

Sorry not sorry for the super long post!

I know my normal blogging has turned into more list of pictures and what not.. But this post is going to be all about ANXIETY and if you have it this may help you…

As many of you know I have:

  1. Anxiety
  2. Depression
  3. Hypersensitivity
  4. Possibly Fibromyalgia
  5. Diabetes and more!

I have really been going through it lately! So much so that I was hurting my body with the amount of pressure that I was allowing my anxiety to put inside me. The pulling of my neck… migraines… chest pressure… stomach aches.. Recently I was given medicine for what may be Fibromyalgia (that I should take more religiously so I could get rid of the pain) and yes thinking about the mobility pain made me nervous but the idea of taking medicine makes me even more nervous -_- !

Imagine living with your stomach feeling constant dread, your mind always worried, your body shaky and now you’re sometimes stuttering.. Y’all must think I am so stupid for not taking the pills to help my pain.. I sometimes think the same but knowing I was not only scared about taking the medicine, the pain, and everything else but I was also soooo wrapped up with what everyone thought about me. I guess you can say I cared so much that I forgot about ME!

Let’s go back a month or so… I was at work which is a place that already gives me major anxiety because I always try to do my very best to perform well at whatever roll I am in. (no matter what the roll every roll plays a part in your success, your bank accounts success, and company success) For the most part my peers notice my work ethic from day one but I have been dealt a handful of people who do not and it bothered me. I just hate when someone thinks bad of me…

At the same time big changes were happening in my household as my SO was leaving the company we both had worked for and moving to a new state. No surprise but I am horrible with change.. If you couldn’t tell. He will be commuting back and forth and eventually I will make the move and join him. This change meant I would be leaving not only family and friends but everything I have ever known.

I knew I needed to seek help and speak with my therapist… so I called and made an appointment.  While there my doctor told me about this training or seminar she recently attended and a new technique she learned and even practiced herself on herself.  I am not sure about the name but basically when you feel the anxiety to begin to knock at your door you invite the anxiety in but not only in but to give you everything it has.  I know this may sound strange or if you’re like me this may sound life and death drastically dangerous.  I gave my doctor the side eye and honestly took in the info but thought I would never be strong enough to even try this.

The next day I was at work… needless to say my stomach was churning butterflies and anxiety was getting ready for lift off. I decided to talk to it (learning that yes anxiety is its own being and no anxiety is not who I am) and asked kindly “anxiety give me all you got!” I began to feel stronger than it and a little angry at it so I said to it “YOU CAN’T HURT ME.” Now really feeling strong I demanded for it “to hit me with its best shot!” I could feel the anxiety building up like that feeling you get when you’re about to puke. The anxiety started in my gut and kept rising into my throat.

I could tell the anxiety wanted me to give in and stay weak but I didn’t. No matter how scared I was I encouraged the anxiety to keep going. I was literally nauseated from this. All of a sudden… finally… I COULD BREATHE!!! In my mind I had just vomited all of my anxiety out and it was all over the floor fading away.

The way I felt after was a sense of relief. When thinking about the intense changes coming my way I got excited for the adventure ahead. I got excited for my family and friends to come and visit. And when it came to work.. I am moving leaving this company anyways and as I will always be the type of person to give a roll my best… if some chose not to notice or encourage that well that is eventually there loss. Since the first time with this technique I have been kind of calm and back to my old self just a tad.  I used to be the type of person who was good with doing my best and just rolling with everything that came my way. What is meant to be will be and God has a reason for everything!

Until this past Monday which marked the week prior to my SO leaving! My mind has been going in circles and anxiety skyrocketing. I have not tried to use the technique yet because I feel like everyday it will hit me especially the day he takes off on this journey and I am not mentally ready for this battle again.

BTW- I have realized that anxiety has been here so long I have started to use it as a security blanket.. so scary to think about how much power IT has!
-To be continued-

Yummy Mushroom Soup

First I am vegetarian now so learning to cook with my new lifestyle choice. Secondly we are moving and I will be responsible to cook for my family and get us healthy! No eating out as much since I may not have a job right away… hope you enjoy my adventure!

I have been craving the mushroom soup from a specific restaurant that sales cheesecake maybe made in a factory. I don’t mention there name because every time I have gone to get said soup I have been let down by the customer service and have left even before ordering.  Anyways I have been craving it and finally decided to create a recipe based on flavors in my head and experiment. I happy to say that this first try is so yummy and my SO (who is my guinea pig) says it is better than that cheesecake selling factory.

Give it a try and let me know if you adjust anything and at the end I will tell you what I will add next time.

Ingredients-

1 stick butter (1/2 cup)

1 tsp minced garlic

1/2 of a white onion diced

2 celery stalks diced

16oz (2 square packs) mushrooms, halved

10oz heavy cream

1 8oz can broth (I used vegetable)

salt, pepper, and Parmesan cheese to taste

 

Time To Cook:

Start by prepping your veggies dicing onion and celery, also halving your mushrooms.

Heat a large saucepan and once heated add butter. When butter is melting coat the pan and add in the garlic, onions, and celery. Stir with wooden spoon until the onions are becoming translucent and at that point add in your mushrooms. Cover with pan lid to tenderize the mushrooms faster.

When you notice the mushrooms begin to shrivel or tenderize add in your heavy cream. Let simmer for about 10-15 minutes slowly stirring and lightly pressing mushrooms down at the same time. (We are basically trying to infuse the cream with mushroom flavor)

After simmering the cream with veggies you want add in your can of broth. Let this simmer for 5-10 minutes stirring and pressing again.  Now you get to add in salt, pepper, and cheese for taste. Just a reminder you don’t want to over salt or pepper the soup so I used lightly coated the top of my soup 2 and a half times and it was good.

For the cheese it depends on how cheesy you want your soup I opted for less cheesy and added to good sized dollops.

After you have come to your preferred taste in the saucepan you are going to add your mix into the blender. Blend this until it is liquid about 4 minutes. You can taste here to add more cheese or salt and pepper.

I wasn’t happy with the consistency so I added cornstarch. 1 tsp cornstarch and 1/8 cup hot water and deluted the cornstarch so no clumps were there.  I poured it into the blender and blended for 2 minutes. Let this sit for 5 minutes to thicken.

-Next time I will add sautéed mushroom pieces to garnish the soup and to add texture.

 

I hope y’all enjoy this recipe and let me know how you enhance or embellish or just enjoy it!

Current Anxiety Reducers

My anxiety is always here and I am still against the whole medication thing.  I am one who depends on prayer and activities to help me.  Previously I have given y’all my things I would do to help myself get out of the funk and since that is almost always changing as life always does… I figure why not an update!

 

  1. Making List

 

I have notebook galore and I am always buying more because I make list after list after list.. About everything and anything you can think of.  And since my blog is basically all list I think you already knew this!  I can actually finally say I have gotten closer to filling up a full notebook every single page in it (I feel so accomplished) so I feel now would be a good time to try one of those books that inspire you to make list.

 

Here is the one I went with from Amazon: >>CLICK HERE<<

list-maker

  1. Plan

 

I love to plan events even if they are just imaginary at the moment!  Ever since I was little I have been planning weddings and wedding events for myself.  I did it so often I wanted to become a wedding planner.  With the help of Pinterest and Google Chrome I have now made slides of the wedding I am convinced I want.  In fact I have shared a few wedding themes I am thinking of with you here on my blog.

Here are the are my blogs all about my wedding wants: Blog 1Blog 2Blog 3

Here is a page of the Google Slide that I created:

wedding-slide

  1. Design

 

Much like wedding planning I have been designing since I was a teenager on graph paper making blue prints to each room.  And through the years I have been designing dream homes on paper and Pinterest.  Now that we are moving soon I have been utilizing Google Chrome to design our next home.  However I have come across this game app that allows you to design rooms based on requirements for money and all the other players get to vote on your room designs and you can win furniture items.  The app is called Design Home and I am sure it is available on the Google Play store as well as I-Tunes where I got it.

 

Take a look here at the app screen shots- 1st you see your requirements, 2nd you design, and 3rd they vote and you get a rating.

dh1dh2dh3

 

That is the current list… but I thought I would throw in a few things I have done for a long time and a few coping mechanisms that I wish I could adapt:

 

In the past I would do many of the things here but I would also shop a whole lot and do not get it wrong I still shop way too much.. especially when things feel bad buying something new makes me feel new.  But I also used to write music and poetry and I miss doing that soooo much!!  I also love to eat, hang out with the loves of my life, spend hours online researching, and of course play with make up.. and most importantly I like to pray even though my depression sometimes doesn’t allow me to do so.

The coping mechanisms that I am hoping to adapt besides writing music and poetry again are: cleaning, organization, minimizing, read books and exercising.  If I could focus my energy on activities like these maybe I could get a cycle of healthy happiness instead of shopping and eating to cope with anxiety and depression.

Oh and BTW I also want to learn to travel with zero anxiety but I will be happy with less anxiety over the amount that I get!
Till next time my pretties!

Christmas 2016 Wish List

Hi guys.. I know I have been gone again but there are many changes happening here so I decided to take a break until next year.

Which is only about 3 weeks away…… where did the time go??

But I could not leave this year without posting a XMAS Wish List it is my favorite time of the year and my favorite list to make.  Of course I am not expecting all of this or any of this… it is nothing but a list of wants.

Thank you “interweb” for the pics and links.

  1. KitchenAid Blender- Crate and Barrel

kitchenaid-5-speed-aqua-sky-diamond-vortex-blender

  1. Ring Light Kit includes stand- Walmart

ring-light

  1. Sneakers- Lady Footlocker

nikes

  1. Kat Von D Shade + Light Contour Quad- Sephora

katvdquad

  1. Clinique Happy Heart- Ulta

clinique-hh

  1. Ava & Viv Black Leggings 2X- Target

leggingsfromtarget

  1. Dabney Lee Hamburger Passport & Luggage Tag Set- People Store

dabnylee

  1. Mermaid PillowAmazon

mermaid-pillow

9. KitchenAid Mixer Cover- Amazon

cupcake-cover

  1. Starbucks Tumblers (2)- Starbucks

sbtm1 sbtm2

Stocking Stuffers

Mini’s

1. Tajin- Amazon

tajin-to-go1

2. Soy Sauce- Amazon 

soy-sauce-packets1

Intense Therapy Lip BalmSephora

lip-balm-jb1

New BrushesWalgreens

new-brush1

My L.U.T. (Lavish Unnecessary Type) Gift

  1. Something from the Rexy line- Coach

rexyrexy2

Well there you have it… my last wish list of the year… I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and or Happy Holidays.  I am already working on content for next year as so many changes are in front of my family and I.  2016 has been quite the roller coaster and I am happy it has come to end.. I can only hope that it finishes on a good note and leads off 2017 to a great fantastic year for all of us.  

I will see you next year but I will be praying for all always!

Love Toria

Anxiety Helpers

BTW my phone is broken and that is why my featured pic is not edited like all the recent ones… let’s get started!!

I know I have been away AGAIN.. but so many changes are happening and things I am trying to keep my anxiety and depression levels low and mellow.  So I thought I would share a list of the top 5 things I do to win the fight.  Maybe not a fun list of pictures but hopefully a helpful list to some.

1.Make List-

I know this is no secret but for me personally list have been my coping mechanism for decades.  I would make list of things I liked in catalogs before the internet gave me wish list online.  When I list things that I want to do or things I want to purchase and actually make it happen it boost my confidence and gives me this amazing burst of hope that whoops my anxieties ass. 

2.Plan-

I enjoy planning everything from events, trips, holidays, wardrobes, anything and everything I can think of and I have a process to my method. The best thing about planning is the design or them..

  1. Start with a concept on paper.  List after list after list.
  2. Take it to Pinterest.  Create a board.
  3. Take both the list and board to create a Google slide doc.
  4. Present the slides to myself and whoever wants or needs to see my plans.

Here is a bit of an example of my Google slides… The slides make my plans come to life.. if you want some help doing Google slides I am always here to help!! No I am not engaged but I love weddings and dream of the day I will be planning my own!!

3.Organize-

Let’s not get this backwards I am queen of the messy children.. I am normally exhausted emotionally and physically from fighting the good war inside of my body.  Someone who is reading this may not know that there is a mental battle in the minds of those who suffer from any type of emotional stress.  I feel bad for those who have any type of emotional issue and they are not used to the strain it will put on them but imagine what the ones who have a mental disorder such as anxiety go through.  They have a war in their brains to try and maintain this “normal” appearance to the world. For myself and almost all of us I have more than 1.. I have three 1.Depression 2.Anxiety and 3.Hyper Sensitivity… needless to say with my mental disorders and diabetes plus asthma I am physically and mentally beat up everyday of my life.  So when I get home from a 12 hour shift at work I really just want to drop my items.. eat food and go to sleep..

But there are times when I get tired of looking at the war-zone and get the urge to purge all of my items.  Clothing, food, makeup, home goods… and even the tiniest lent spec on my bed will skeeve me out.  During these times everything I own as a place and I try to keep them in that place!

4.Shopping-

I know coming from a shopaholic this sounds bad… but shopping for food, apparel, accessories, gifts, makeup just makes me feel like something new is coming into my life and it’s a new day “I can breathe easier”.  Whenever I am extra stressed I turn to a store to find the deals.. I can also say that I am better because I am at least budgeting in the shopping instead of just going for what makes me happy.  Now I just need to save money and shop at the same time!!

5.The last one is the big one that I should do first but when I get anxiety I think of this one last in the battle… this is a 5 step process that I saw online one day and have used it ever since:

FIND 54321(my name I think)

  1. 5 things you can see and say them out loud
  2. 4 things you can touch and say them out loud
  3. 3 things you can hear and say them out loud
  4. 2 things you can smell and say them out loud
  5. 1 thing you can taste and say it out loud

No matter if you are new or old to this war of mental health try this one first or any of these.  I have a bunch more mechanisms but these are the ones that I do most.  It is worth mentioning that the “smell” thing one.. I always smell my perfume because it is an intentional familiar scent.  I am thinking I may post another list of my methods.. But looking forward to hearing what you think of this list and if you have any for me try.

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Moving Wants: Mom’s Room

🐘

List..List..List..List..List (in my Riri voice)

Okay so we are a few rooms in now and if you did not know.. I am planning on taking my mommy with me.  I am her caregiver and her only child so it is only natural that I take her with me! And her little doggy too!!

So now we are here building a Decor Inspo post for her room.. You know the drill this series is all about the list of things that I need from room to room.  This gives you a look into my decor hopefuls and I can not wait to show you how it turns out when we finally move in. ( still about 18 months)

I can not say it enough.. I am so so happy to have my mom with me again.. We are super close and are best friends!  I know this will be a hard transition for my mom as well as a culture shock when she is away from everything and everyone (besides us) she knows (especially Lani)… so I am hoping to fill her room with positive and bright decor.  Especially elephants with the trunks up(in honor of a love started by my Nana)!

BTW thank you internet for the great inspirational pics! (Links added)

 

Bed- (we have a queen size mattress set for her)

yellow-hb

Bedding

colourful-bs

elephant-bs

 

Furniture- White and bright

dog-crate

dresser2nd-dresser

 

Accent Furniture-

loveseat-mama

book-case

mirror

 

Accent Decor-

family-pics

happy-art

elephant-pillow

elephant-wa

curtains-mr

elephant-lamp

 

 

 

For Doggie-

dog-feedings-area

 

doggie-pee-pad

doggie-stairs

 
As I said for my Mama’s room there is nothing more important to me then to make this comfortable relaxing peaceful serene and beautiful.  I know at this time in my life I can not give her a big house or expensive gifts but if I can give her a room to call all her own decorated to her idea of beautiful than I would feel like a good daughter.  She deserves relaxation and serenity in life.. She has done so much for so many and it is time I give her some overdue relaxation.

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🐘

 

Lifestyle Wants: 33rd Birthday Wish List

I love making wish list and to be honest just list in general.. Now that my birthday is a month from today I thought it only fun and fitting to post this today.. 

This year for my birthday I am picking 10 of my top choices for birthday gifts.  Just a disclaimer I am not expecting these gifts I am just putting what I would consider my materialistic wants.  If you do not like wish list or birthday wants or birthday hauls.. >>CLICK HERE TO LEAVE<< (its an article of an adorable cat with a sad face)

If you do like these types of post or love the celebration of life we call birthdays and or you love shopping and wanting for things keep reading and.. WELCOME TO MY PAGE!!

Thank you to the linked websites for the pics!!

First a new grown purse without a cartoon character..  I picked two choices for this one but I want a mostly black designer bag that is under 200 bucks.  The reason I want black is I do not have any nice black handbags and since I am switching careers most likely I want to feel professional and empowered with a black stallion..

The first one I picked is an Arcadia black handbag that is embellished with a snake print pocket.. I found the bag at TJMAXX for $149.99 >>CLICK HERE<<

arcadia bag

The second bag is a Kate Spade bag that I have had my eye on for some time. What I like most is that the purse expends to give pack rats like me a little extra space.  I found the bag in the sale section on Kate Spade website for $180 >>CLICK HERE<<

kate spade bag

The next 3 items are makeup palettes from the same brand, Urban Decay. The reason I want these is the shadows are really good quality and I have half the collection minus the newest so now I am looking to complete the collection. The base price for these palettes are 54 bucks and sometimes not too often you can get them on sale.

2.Urban Decay Naked (1) Palette – I saw this on the Urban Decay website >>CLICK HERE<<

udnp1

3.Urban Decay Naked 2 Palette- I saw this one on Sephora’s website >>CLICK HERE<<

naked 2

4.Urban Decay Naked Ultimate Basics Palette- This palette is set to release on September 19th!

UDNUB

 

The next couple of items I am thinking of are shoes(no surprise).. SNEAKERS!! I have wanted shoes these colors for the last year and just can not seem to commit to the purchase.  Funny thing is everyone and their mama is on to my Mauve Olive fall fashion color scheme!

5.Olive Green Nike Sneakers- I found these on the Lady Footlocker website >>CLICK HERE<<

nike-roshe-one-run-print-womens-shoes-11-military-green-599432-371-rosherun-4ab4929f3883b5632edeedea449a92a5

6.Mauve Adidas Originals Tubular Defiant- Also on Lady Footlocker website >>CLICK HERE<<

adidas-originals-tubular-defiant-womens

The next 3 items are not in a group but just single items that I would love to own.

7.Clinique Happy Heart Perfume- I chose this scent because it is beautiful and I have been using the same two perfumes for years now (Tommy Girl and DKNY Delicious).  I will probably continue to use the same ones but I want a spruce it up option in my collection.  I found this one on Macy’s website and they do come in a variety of sizes.. >>CLICK HERE<<

clinique

8.Silver Hello Kitty Handheld Mirror- No explanation needed it is too cute!!  This item I found on Ebay for about 40 bucks >>CLICK HERE<<

hkm

9.Aqua Sky KitchenAid Blender- I need a new blender and I have the Aqua Sky KA Stand Mixer so it only makes sense that I keep it consistent with the blender. At least that is what I am telling myself to justify this want. I found this one on Crate and Barrel website for 149.99 >>CLICK HERE<<

kitchenaid-5-speed-aqua-sky-diamond-vortex-blender

The final is not an item it is an experience.  

10.High Tea- I want to experience with my cousins.. the good tea and little sandwiches and little finger desserts.  

ht
So there you have it my 10 item bday wish list.  I am not spoiled nor am I crazy I do not expect anything on the list to be bought for me that is not the best part of my birthday.  The smiles the hugs the warm wishes all for me on October 2nd is what makes me the happiest.  I simply do the wish list for myself to have fun creating and to think about if I could have any materialistic item as many items as I want for my bday what would they be.. Also I enjoy seeing what others want and get for their bdays so others must too.

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