I Lied To You

Hi Guys!

I have come today to be honest with you all. I have been lying to you for all these years! I’m sorry!

Yes I have depression.. anxiety.. diabetes.. fibromyalgia.. and making list after list does in fact keep me calm!

But besides this I have not been myself on here or on YouTube! I have been trying my hardest to portray the characteristics of the popular girls. Why because I wanted to be liked by the world and be successful at this life.

I can’t hold up to this facade anymore it is so tiring. I need to be myself! TBH it is not working either so what do I have to lose!?

I am Victoria and I am a city girl who is country at heart. I don’t think I will ever have a modern home.. I want a country farmhouse home but currently just have a normal home that is not decorated to the nines.

I am quirky and nerdy and dress kind of weird.. I don’t mind being in what some don’t considered trendy clothing as long as I am dressed cute and comfy to me!

I live for food, fashion(my style), and beauty! I try my best to incorporate food into my fashion and beauty 95% of the time! I am the biggest animal lover (also incorporated into my fashion) and cry almost everyday because of animal videos or looking at adoption websites!

I am overly sensitive like more sensitive than most young children.. if there is a story on about Christmas or love or a talent show on tv I will cry! Not just cry but ball my eyes out!

If I could have Christmas decor up 24/7 365 days a year.. I WOULD!! I am going to try doing Christmas at Halloween time this year coming! I want to be Mrs. Claus and decorating my home as the North Pole! I have believed in Santa for 34 years and will never not!

I am an organized dreamer.. I dream of one day marrying my best friend but have accepted that that may not happen and as long as I am with him and we are happy in life I will be wonderful. Just like I dream of being a mom via adoption because I don’t want to be pregnant.. but also accept that I may just be a fur mom and the cool aunt to my nieces and nephews! I dream of homes.. food.. travel.. even my wardrobe picks for seasons to come even if I will never have these things. But the reason I say organized is because it starts as a list and ends in a slideshow show presentation sometimes with a buying plan. I can show you my organization on another blog. However I think I dream so much because of things that I have been through and it helps me hide in oblivion behind sparkles and sequins!

Things that have happened to me were the reason I acted out and made poor choices at times in life or wanted to be someone else.. but I have prayed continually to God for forgiveness and guidance for myself and the ones who victimized me! I have been forgiven by God and know that everyone makes mistakes.. my mistakes have everything to do with who I am!

My family especially my SO.. my mom.. and my goddaughter.. and all of my family also have helped me to be a better me and truly mean everything to me and if I could do little things or big things to make them happy.. that is my goal in life! It’s makes me happy to see the ones I love happy!

I HOPE YALL CAN ACCEPT ME FOR ME!

I want to revamp my blog theme and my YouTube site.. I need to be myself. I love being funny while talking about the things I love. It doesn’t matter if I am successful at these things as much as I would like to be.. I can no longer do this to try and be a popular one.. I just need to be me.. and if the world likes me then it’s a blessing but if they don’t then that’s okay because I love me and that is a bigger blessing!

Until next time my pretties!!

Love Toria Louise

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Birthday Wish List 2017

Hi Guys,

It’s that time of the year again…. MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

That means… this is my annual Birthday Wish List! Unfortunately in this day an age disclaimers are needed to hopefully avoid one of the internet trolls lol..

*DISCLAIMER* Do not read much into my list that I post it is basically my if I could have anything what would that look like. I am not one who makes a list and gets everything on it or even anything on it as gifts. I normally buy myself things on my wish list that I really want! I do not expect gifts from anyone just love and cake haha.. Also I want to know what items would be on your wish list?? 

All I really want for my bday is.. God’s blessings, good vibes, great food, and a functioning world that allows me to grow old with my loved ones!! 

Let’s get this started.. 

Fashion: I love clothing, shoes, and all things fashion. (I dream of giant two level walk in closet) I shop year round and would consider myself somewhat of a pro at shopping. I do not worry about what everyone else wears or thinks is in trend.. I simply just buy what I like and what makes me feel great!

Adidas EQT Support ADV in Lavender Monochrome $110 I have wanted these for a little while now and just think they are the most adorable sneakers ever.. I know pastel colors are technically spring colors but I love wearing what others think are “seasonal” colors all year round! 

adidas egt lavender

(women’s size 10)

Vans Mono Canvas Old Skool in Skyway (light blue) $55 I have always wanted a pair of these but never wanted to buy the basic colors and now these have arrived in my sight.

IMG_1588

(women’s size 10.5)

Rue 21 Plus Camo 3pc Sweatsuit $57 (for all three)- yes I know these may be lounge wear or look like PJ’s but they look amazing!

Hoodie $19

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(women’s 2X)

Cardigan Duster $19

IMG_1590

(women’s 3X)

Leggings $19

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(women’s 2X)

Fila Trayton Hoodie $68– I have these Fila Grant Hill’s that I wanted when I was in 8th grade and I bought them not long ago but now all I need is a hoodie to wear them with. The thing I love about this one is the brown with the other colors because I can pair with brown leggings!

 

 (men’s 2X or 3X- I love my hoodies huge and comfy like a blanket)

Velour Tracksuit $35 I know everyone had the Juicy Couture velour track suits a billion years ago now but I never had one! I think these are so cute and being cute and exercisy is amazing.. basically 60% of my wardrobe is cute as a button and athletic! 


(women’s 2X)


Tech- I feel I am always in a constant need to upgrade my tech game in order to better my blogging and YouTube work (especially if I want to make it a full time career)!

Smart Watch- I am listing 3 different ones only because there are different brands and styles out here. I want a watch that will track my steps, calendar reminders, allows me to text, and can answer/make phone calls. Not to mention I always wanted to be a Power Ranger!

Fossil Gen 3 Smartwatch $275 I love the two tone of the rose gold and navy.. it just looks classic! 


(Q VENTURE ROSE TWO TONE)

Michael Kors Bradshaw $350 I think this is the boujee one of the bunch… the most expensive for sure! But it looks like a regular watch face so kind of a disguise however it’s a touchscreen and it’s eggplant colored metal! 


(Plum color)

Apple Watch Series 1 $269 This is the most common smart watch you see on everyone’s wrist. It’s like the PSL of smart watches.. I am okay with being basic and having an Apple Watch as long as it looks semi girly like this one lol!


(38mm rose gold with pink sand sports band) 

Laptop- I need a common but specific laptop.. I found this one.. I could go for the Intel Core i7 with more memory and bigger hard drive but this is the basics of what I need to better edit my videos!

HP – 15.6″ Touch-Screen Laptop – Intel Core i5 – 8GB Memory – 1TB Hard Drive – HP finish in jet black $529 


(Click here for this one)  

Film Editing Software- VideoStudio Ultimate X10 for Windows $100 I could use a different one as long as it’s compatible with the laptop above.

 

Beauty- who would I be if I didn’t include beauty on a wish list.. I love reviewing beauty products.. So I kept it easy and picked my 4 top items from my Sephora “LOVES” list. And a KC product! 

Glow Recipe Watermelon Glow Sleeping Mask $45 Doesn’t this just sound amazing and looks divine! I want watermelon all over my face!

 

Moschino Pink Fresh Couture Perfume 1.0 oz $45 I have wanted the original windex perfume for the bottle but knew I wouldn’t like the notes.. but they released this one and it’s the bottle with my scents and color!!! 


 

Farsali Unicorn Essence Serum $54 I have wanted to try these skin enhancement drops since they were released but was always concerned with oiliness.. however I heard these are quite nice and not oily! 


 

Jo LOVES White Rose & Lemon Leaves Fragrance Paintbrush Gel $55 I have always wanted to try a Jo Malone fragrance and now this will give me that opportunity and with a cool bonus aspect.


 

I love shopping for a cause! The Kylie Cosmetic item I want is the lip kit in the color “Smile” and that is because 100% of the proceeds go to SmileTrain which is an amazing foundation that treats untreated cleft lips. This color is no longer available but if Kylie Jenner happens to read my blog lol… giiirrlll bring that color back I am sure it will sell out immediately and raise more money for that amazing foundation who blesses children and parents all around the world.


 

Home- Firstly I just moved so of course there are things I want but also I am working hard on creating an ambiance for us to live comfortably and work from here productively as well!

 

Keurig 2.0 $120 I loved having my Keurig prior it is so convenient for folks who like drastically different coffee flavors! And this one is not only in my favorite color but one step up from the basic one! 

(Color: Oasis) 
 

Wall Shelves Set of 4 $25 I want to add a little bit of storage and cuteness over our writing desk! I think white is needed to tie in more if the color combo for the guest room! 

Upholstered Office Chair $170 I picked this one because it’s brown and white and goes with the color scheme of the room but technically we could do any color that goes with brown and white! PS I love animal print and cow print is no different!


 

Neon Lights $100 I just want to see my name in lights and at the same time I think it would add something special to the background of my videos.


I would want it to say ToriaLouise so I may need 2!

 

Experiences- I always list things I want do and aside from these things listed I really just want to see my loved ones in CA, PA, FL.. and break aka “eat” cake with everyone. (when I say “cake” I mean cake, pie, and or donuts!!)

MOIC SF– this is the museum of ice cream that took over LA and is now opening in SF and I am happy to say that we will be attending so stay tuned for pics! 

 

Color Factory SF– this is another museum type attraction that has beautiful rooms full of imagination and creativity.. sadly tickets for October are not available so Color Factory if your reading my blog please open it up for me to attend in October I am sure you will sell out October as well! (update- there ticket sales website was malfunctioning when I was in there to buy tickets so I in fact missed out on the tickets I needed) 😦

 

Mac N Cheese in Wisconsin.. just ask yourself doesn’t it sound amazing to have mac n cheese in the home of cheese heads… they even have this delicious place called MACS and it’s a mac n cheese shop! 


 

Have visitors here in IL.. I want to show people what I have seen and maybe find something new with them!!

 

Like I said these are gifts I do not expect to receive in anyway from anyone. Just seeing or hearing “Happy Birthday” to me or reading beautiful comments is what I appreciate so very much! 

Love Toria

Current Anxiety Reducers

My anxiety is always here and I am still against the whole medication thing.  I am one who depends on prayer and activities to help me.  Previously I have given y’all my things I would do to help myself get out of the funk and since that is almost always changing as life always does… I figure why not an update!

 

  1. Making List

 

I have notebook galore and I am always buying more because I make list after list after list.. About everything and anything you can think of.  And since my blog is basically all list I think you already knew this!  I can actually finally say I have gotten closer to filling up a full notebook every single page in it (I feel so accomplished) so I feel now would be a good time to try one of those books that inspire you to make list.

 

Here is the one I went with from Amazon: >>CLICK HERE<<

list-maker

  1. Plan

 

I love to plan events even if they are just imaginary at the moment!  Ever since I was little I have been planning weddings and wedding events for myself.  I did it so often I wanted to become a wedding planner.  With the help of Pinterest and Google Chrome I have now made slides of the wedding I am convinced I want.  In fact I have shared a few wedding themes I am thinking of with you here on my blog.

Here are the are my blogs all about my wedding wants: Blog 1Blog 2Blog 3

Here is a page of the Google Slide that I created:

wedding-slide

  1. Design

 

Much like wedding planning I have been designing since I was a teenager on graph paper making blue prints to each room.  And through the years I have been designing dream homes on paper and Pinterest.  Now that we are moving soon I have been utilizing Google Chrome to design our next home.  However I have come across this game app that allows you to design rooms based on requirements for money and all the other players get to vote on your room designs and you can win furniture items.  The app is called Design Home and I am sure it is available on the Google Play store as well as I-Tunes where I got it.

 

Take a look here at the app screen shots- 1st you see your requirements, 2nd you design, and 3rd they vote and you get a rating.

dh1dh2dh3

 

That is the current list… but I thought I would throw in a few things I have done for a long time and a few coping mechanisms that I wish I could adapt:

 

In the past I would do many of the things here but I would also shop a whole lot and do not get it wrong I still shop way too much.. especially when things feel bad buying something new makes me feel new.  But I also used to write music and poetry and I miss doing that soooo much!!  I also love to eat, hang out with the loves of my life, spend hours online researching, and of course play with make up.. and most importantly I like to pray even though my depression sometimes doesn’t allow me to do so.

The coping mechanisms that I am hoping to adapt besides writing music and poetry again are: cleaning, organization, minimizing, read books and exercising.  If I could focus my energy on activities like these maybe I could get a cycle of healthy happiness instead of shopping and eating to cope with anxiety and depression.

Oh and BTW I also want to learn to travel with zero anxiety but I will be happy with less anxiety over the amount that I get!
Till next time my pretties!

2017 New Year’s Resolutions

I am not good at holding to my NYR’s so I don’t really ever list them to myself.  For 2016 I had a NYR to gain more experiences and boy oh boy did I ever fulfill that NYR to my heart’s content.

From Mardi Gras to a road trip through the midwest my year was full of excitement and new experiences.  Even though this year was full of downers it was a balanced year full of uppers so I am willing to state and try for NYR’s of 2017.

The problem with NYR’s is that if you fail to meet your own high expectations you set the year off on a bad note.  So to avoid any anxiety or depression that will stem from failing myself with things such as lose weight, get pregnant and so on.. I am taking the non serious route.. Nothing that will seem life altering and if I don’t succeed this year I may not want to give up on life.

 

  1. Use EBATEs more to shop online- Ebates is an app for you phone or computer that allows you earn back money when you shop online.  I figure why not if I am such and avid online shopper.. It would only give me something back in return.  Also Ebates is really good at letting you see coupon codes and discounts for stores when available as well.
  1. Try a gel manicure- I always get acrylic on my nails and I love them so much but it is hard to type accurately and I have two jobs that I need to constantly type with.  I have been wanting to try the gel or shellac manicure for a while but two issues do come to mind… 1. my stubby little fingers get help in elongation from the acrylic nails and 2. the acrylic nails last 2 weeks sometimes longer and I am hoping that the I will not need to do a manicure every week..  I am willing to give it a fair shot of at least a month or two and if not I will simply go back to acrylics!
  1. Travel Somewhere New- In 2016 I tried to make it all about experiencing new things and I want to continue that in 2017.  Including traveling to see 3 new places just to taste the food and see the sights.. The ones I have in mind are the following(just to name a few):
  • Denver, CO 
  • Philadelphia, PA 
  • Austin, TX 
  • Alcatraz- yes I am from SF but no I have never been!!
  1. Taste the Pancake Souflee- I posted a blog all about food on the west coast that I want to try and yes I want to try all of them but if I only get to one this year it must be Bette’s Diner in Berkley!
  2. Finally Grow Up- only a little bit if I feel like it haha.. I am in no way saying I will give up all the child inspired things I am fond of like Disney, Sailor Moon, mermaids, unicorns, magic, Santa, or any of my sparkle.. But I am saying that I might want to put more money into my savings, eat a little healthier, work out, go back to school, using skincare, or you know put a little more thought into “adulting”

There you have it my 5 resolutions to attempt this year.. sure they are minimal and yes there is many more things I could include but again why set myself or my year up for failure.  More than anything I just want to work hard and enjoy my life and give my loved ones the best everyday!

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Lifestyle Wants: 33rd Birthday Wish List

I love making wish list and to be honest just list in general.. Now that my birthday is a month from today I thought it only fun and fitting to post this today.. 

This year for my birthday I am picking 10 of my top choices for birthday gifts.  Just a disclaimer I am not expecting these gifts I am just putting what I would consider my materialistic wants.  If you do not like wish list or birthday wants or birthday hauls.. >>CLICK HERE TO LEAVE<< (its an article of an adorable cat with a sad face)

If you do like these types of post or love the celebration of life we call birthdays and or you love shopping and wanting for things keep reading and.. WELCOME TO MY PAGE!!

Thank you to the linked websites for the pics!!

First a new grown purse without a cartoon character..  I picked two choices for this one but I want a mostly black designer bag that is under 200 bucks.  The reason I want black is I do not have any nice black handbags and since I am switching careers most likely I want to feel professional and empowered with a black stallion..

The first one I picked is an Arcadia black handbag that is embellished with a snake print pocket.. I found the bag at TJMAXX for $149.99 >>CLICK HERE<<

arcadia bag

The second bag is a Kate Spade bag that I have had my eye on for some time. What I like most is that the purse expends to give pack rats like me a little extra space.  I found the bag in the sale section on Kate Spade website for $180 >>CLICK HERE<<

kate spade bag

The next 3 items are makeup palettes from the same brand, Urban Decay. The reason I want these is the shadows are really good quality and I have half the collection minus the newest so now I am looking to complete the collection. The base price for these palettes are 54 bucks and sometimes not too often you can get them on sale.

2.Urban Decay Naked (1) Palette – I saw this on the Urban Decay website >>CLICK HERE<<

udnp1

3.Urban Decay Naked 2 Palette- I saw this one on Sephora’s website >>CLICK HERE<<

naked 2

4.Urban Decay Naked Ultimate Basics Palette- This palette is set to release on September 19th!

UDNUB

 

The next couple of items I am thinking of are shoes(no surprise).. SNEAKERS!! I have wanted shoes these colors for the last year and just can not seem to commit to the purchase.  Funny thing is everyone and their mama is on to my Mauve Olive fall fashion color scheme!

5.Olive Green Nike Sneakers- I found these on the Lady Footlocker website >>CLICK HERE<<

nike-roshe-one-run-print-womens-shoes-11-military-green-599432-371-rosherun-4ab4929f3883b5632edeedea449a92a5

6.Mauve Adidas Originals Tubular Defiant- Also on Lady Footlocker website >>CLICK HERE<<

adidas-originals-tubular-defiant-womens

The next 3 items are not in a group but just single items that I would love to own.

7.Clinique Happy Heart Perfume- I chose this scent because it is beautiful and I have been using the same two perfumes for years now (Tommy Girl and DKNY Delicious).  I will probably continue to use the same ones but I want a spruce it up option in my collection.  I found this one on Macy’s website and they do come in a variety of sizes.. >>CLICK HERE<<

clinique

8.Silver Hello Kitty Handheld Mirror- No explanation needed it is too cute!!  This item I found on Ebay for about 40 bucks >>CLICK HERE<<

hkm

9.Aqua Sky KitchenAid Blender- I need a new blender and I have the Aqua Sky KA Stand Mixer so it only makes sense that I keep it consistent with the blender. At least that is what I am telling myself to justify this want. I found this one on Crate and Barrel website for 149.99 >>CLICK HERE<<

kitchenaid-5-speed-aqua-sky-diamond-vortex-blender

The final is not an item it is an experience.  

10.High Tea- I want to experience with my cousins.. the good tea and little sandwiches and little finger desserts.  

ht
So there you have it my 10 item bday wish list.  I am not spoiled nor am I crazy I do not expect anything on the list to be bought for me that is not the best part of my birthday.  The smiles the hugs the warm wishes all for me on October 2nd is what makes me the happiest.  I simply do the wish list for myself to have fun creating and to think about if I could have any materialistic item as many items as I want for my bday what would they be.. Also I enjoy seeing what others want and get for their bdays so others must too.

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Planner Relationship Goals

I have been wanting to commit my life to something very important, it is something I have had many failed relationships with my whole life.  What makes this time different is the fact that we are moving and I will be taking on more responsibility to control a household of 3 (not preggo).  If you have yet to figure it out I am talking about a relationship with an agenda planner.

My whole life I have tried to be the type of person who is dependent on my agenda plans but something always comes up… where I forget to put one day in and that’s it I won’t touch it for about 3 months.  My routine is to start up and plan about 4-6 weeks of things, add in all birthdays, and some work schedules ( I technically work 4 jobs 2 of them are paying in cash and 2 paying in experience to hopefully be my main source of income soon).  After I take two weeks to enter all this info I get distracted with life and just live without looking at the planner.

To some maybe most this is not a bad way to live because no matter what the situation I am able to just keep the flow and go with it.  But at the same time there are times where I feel chaotic with no direction and my anxiety is at the all time high.

Last year I got two planners.. I know two is excessive but one was a birthday gift.

The first was a Lilly Pulitzer 17 month agenda book.  This was the bigger book.  LP agendas are so colourful and vibrant and so very much girly.  

IMG_8869

(thank you Google for the pics)

The second was a Kate Spade 17 month agenda book.  KS agendas are cute and elegant and very lady like.

IMG_8874

(thank you Google for the pics)

I think the big issue is my mental illness.. depression and anxiety!  I want to be that person who is so organized and feel chaotic if I am not organized but it is quite the opposite.  I have this feeling that if things are well planned and organized is just going to go off track so why even try.  

I need to shake that and just buckle up get a hold of myself and do what I have got to do… FOR THE SAKE OF ORGANIZATION!

I am not saying this is hard to do and I know plenty of people do it no issue.. I am saying for me this will be a challenge a very personal challenge that I am betting I am not alone in this world with.  I need to plan meals, a family schedule(including 2 pets), trips home (when we move), YouTube and Blog, maybe even wedding planning.. Plus I have so many things I want to do like Bible Study, Gemology, and Escuela.. All of this organization for our home will be on my shoulders!!! I know I am putting more than needed pressure on my self but this is nerve wrecking… 

I know that I am going to have to work out of at least 3 books(not including notebooks for study):

  1. Agenda
  2. Meal Prep
  3. Wedding Planning Eventually

 

Knowing me though I will probably have 2 meal prep books and 4 wedding planning books hehehe BUT.. for the agenda I am hoping to work the whole 2017 out of just one!  I am looking for something fun and pretty that I could have tons of sticker fun with!  If it is inspirational and uplifting that would be BEST to combat my depression and anxiety!

The ones I am looking at would be..

The Happy Planner- this one is uplifting and encouraging and you have the ability to make it my own with plenty of stickers and fun pen colors..

IMG_8879

(thank you Google for the pics)

The Happiness Planner- this one is different because it encourages you to fill out sheets all about happiness.. I am thinking of getting a book like this with out the agenda part just to fill out and answer questions about my happiness!!

IMG_8885

(thank you Google for the pics)

Erin Condren- the most expensive but the most “customizable” in my opinion… even the binding wire is color changeable on these(like rose gold)…

IMG_8891

(thank you Google for the pics)
Let me know which one you think is best based on your own experience or even based on your research for purchasing…

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Hungry and Hangry

I am hungry hangry…  If I could have the Cubano’s made by my SO’s family in PA.. I would eat the plate right now!!!

 

Today is the 24th of March and just yesterday I went to a nutrition class for my diabetes.  I have not been able to get a wraps on my blood sugars.

 

So I decided it would be best for me to accept any additional help I could get from my doctor and medical facility.  What this class did for me was:

 

  1. Make Nutrition Labels easier to read.
  2. Help me understand the breakdown of diabetes.
  3. Helped meal prep become understandable.
  4. Sparked my interest for nutrition.

 

That being said I have spent today planning and counting carbs.  I thought that I was onto something… onto an easier way to change my life.  An easier way to make healthier choices for my eating habits.

 

I planned and counted carbs for:

 

  1. Breakfast
  2. Snack
  3. Lunch
  4. Snack
  5. Dinner

 

I am sitting here waiting for dinner time to come along with a headache.  Granted the headache may be because I am trying really hard to give up soda.  Coke and Dr Pepper to be exact.  First day in a long time to I have not had at least one soda.  

 

So sitting here waiting for dinner I have already eaten extra snacks and I am HUNGRY and HANGRY!! I still have 70 minutes until dinner time… all I want is a burger or slice of pizza and that is making my headache worse!  I will survive and it will get easier this is what I know.

I am working on my next couple of blogs one on more details of what I am learning and the next on skin care… So subscribe and stay tuned!!

 

Until next time.. Stay pretty!!

 

I love and appreciate you guys.  Please don’t forget to make life AMAZING and STOP AND SMELL THE FLOWERS!

 

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