I Lied To You

Hi Guys!

I have come today to be honest with you all. I have been lying to you for all these years! I’m sorry!

Yes I have depression.. anxiety.. diabetes.. fibromyalgia.. and making list after list does in fact keep me calm!

But besides this I have not been myself on here or on YouTube! I have been trying my hardest to portray the characteristics of the popular girls. Why because I wanted to be liked by the world and be successful at this life.

I can’t hold up to this facade anymore it is so tiring. I need to be myself! TBH it is not working either so what do I have to lose!?

I am Victoria and I am a city girl who is country at heart. I don’t think I will ever have a modern home.. I want a country farmhouse home but currently just have a normal home that is not decorated to the nines.

I am quirky and nerdy and dress kind of weird.. I don’t mind being in what some don’t considered trendy clothing as long as I am dressed cute and comfy to me!

I live for food, fashion(my style), and beauty! I try my best to incorporate food into my fashion and beauty 95% of the time! I am the biggest animal lover (also incorporated into my fashion) and cry almost everyday because of animal videos or looking at adoption websites!

I am overly sensitive like more sensitive than most young children.. if there is a story on about Christmas or love or a talent show on tv I will cry! Not just cry but ball my eyes out!

If I could have Christmas decor up 24/7 365 days a year.. I WOULD!! I am going to try doing Christmas at Halloween time this year coming! I want to be Mrs. Claus and decorating my home as the North Pole! I have believed in Santa for 34 years and will never not!

I am an organized dreamer.. I dream of one day marrying my best friend but have accepted that that may not happen and as long as I am with him and we are happy in life I will be wonderful. Just like I dream of being a mom via adoption because I don’t want to be pregnant.. but also accept that I may just be a fur mom and the cool aunt to my nieces and nephews! I dream of homes.. food.. travel.. even my wardrobe picks for seasons to come even if I will never have these things. But the reason I say organized is because it starts as a list and ends in a slideshow show presentation sometimes with a buying plan. I can show you my organization on another blog. However I think I dream so much because of things that I have been through and it helps me hide in oblivion behind sparkles and sequins!

Things that have happened to me were the reason I acted out and made poor choices at times in life or wanted to be someone else.. but I have prayed continually to God for forgiveness and guidance for myself and the ones who victimized me! I have been forgiven by God and know that everyone makes mistakes.. my mistakes have everything to do with who I am!

My family especially my SO.. my mom.. and my goddaughter.. and all of my family also have helped me to be a better me and truly mean everything to me and if I could do little things or big things to make them happy.. that is my goal in life! It’s makes me happy to see the ones I love happy!

I HOPE YALL CAN ACCEPT ME FOR ME!

I want to revamp my blog theme and my YouTube site.. I need to be myself. I love being funny while talking about the things I love. It doesn’t matter if I am successful at these things as much as I would like to be.. I can no longer do this to try and be a popular one.. I just need to be me.. and if the world likes me then it’s a blessing but if they don’t then that’s okay because I love me and that is a bigger blessing!

Until next time my pretties!!

Love Toria Louise

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5 Items: Burlington Coat Factory

Hi Guys,
This is the beginning of greatness!! I would like to start a new series all about bargain shopping! I am a bargain shopper by blood from my mama… and I can clearance hunt with the best of them aka my mom and aunts!

My family loves to shop… we used to and if we can.. we will still eat our meals on turkey-day all while planning our plan of attack on the sales that are about to unleash! Maybe the love of shopping for most of us is why I truly believe in retail therapy! LOL!

This series will be called 5 items and it is really just 5 bargain items from different stores… sometimes I will give myself a challenge when buying these items or like today just great items I found at a really good price!

Today’s 5 items are from one of my favorite stores and that is Burlington Coat Factory (BFC), this store is a great place to buy clothing, fashion accessories, shoes, beauty, home goods and so much more. I almost found a bit of it all… lol!!

The first item I found was a men’s denim button up that I thought would be cute as a light throw for those days where the sun is out like summer but there is also that lovely fall breeze! This is a Guess shirt that originally retailed for 89 bucks but I was able to purchase it on clearance for just $17!


The second item I found also is an item made by Guess… but these are slides and unless you live under a rock then you know slides took over this year like never before! I was looking at the Guess slides online and when I saw them in BFC I jumped on them! They retail for 25 bucks and I bought them for $15… not as big as a deal as the first item but saving is saving!


The third item of course is a notebook because stationary, books, and journals is always a stop at every store… this notebook is cute, pink, and motivational! The notebook retails for 14 bucks and I bought it for $4!


The fourth item I found was not something I needed but something I wanted for the new place. I saw this and thought this would be so cute in my dining area with the rest of my farmhousey items! The canister retails for 10 bucks and I bought it for $5!


The last item was not actually an item for me but a gift for Lani… she turned 13 recently… becoming a teenage girl, getting into makeup, becoming a young woman and I knew she would need to find her scent! So I picked up a 1D perfume that smells divine and the bottle is so precious! If I can find another I will add one to my collection. This perfume retails for 16 bucks and I bought it for $7.


And there you have it the 5 items from BFC.. what do you think? Let’s run some numbers:

Retail Value: $145 – Purchased Value:$48 – Value Saved:$97

I will take that 97 bucks any day… this is why I love the being a Deal Hunter! I hope you enjoyed this new series.. I look forward to the future of this series of course… it’s all about shopping!! I am excited to go for other stores and challenges. The challenges can be a budget or a look alike outfit from a magazine.. I am going to try and be creative with the challenges! If you have any challenge ideas or stores you want to see me try.. Just let me know!

Love Toria

Birthday Wish List 2017

Hi Guys,

It’s that time of the year again…. MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

That means… this is my annual Birthday Wish List! Unfortunately in this day an age disclaimers are needed to hopefully avoid one of the internet trolls lol..

*DISCLAIMER* Do not read much into my list that I post it is basically my if I could have anything what would that look like. I am not one who makes a list and gets everything on it or even anything on it as gifts. I normally buy myself things on my wish list that I really want! I do not expect gifts from anyone just love and cake haha.. Also I want to know what items would be on your wish list?? 

All I really want for my bday is.. God’s blessings, good vibes, great food, and a functioning world that allows me to grow old with my loved ones!! 

Let’s get this started.. 

Fashion: I love clothing, shoes, and all things fashion. (I dream of giant two level walk in closet) I shop year round and would consider myself somewhat of a pro at shopping. I do not worry about what everyone else wears or thinks is in trend.. I simply just buy what I like and what makes me feel great!

Adidas EQT Support ADV in Lavender Monochrome $110 I have wanted these for a little while now and just think they are the most adorable sneakers ever.. I know pastel colors are technically spring colors but I love wearing what others think are “seasonal” colors all year round! 

adidas egt lavender

(women’s size 10)

Vans Mono Canvas Old Skool in Skyway (light blue) $55 I have always wanted a pair of these but never wanted to buy the basic colors and now these have arrived in my sight.

IMG_1588

(women’s size 10.5)

Rue 21 Plus Camo 3pc Sweatsuit $57 (for all three)- yes I know these may be lounge wear or look like PJ’s but they look amazing!

Hoodie $19

IMG_1591

(women’s 2X)

Cardigan Duster $19

IMG_1590

(women’s 3X)

Leggings $19

IMG_1589

(women’s 2X)

Fila Trayton Hoodie $68– I have these Fila Grant Hill’s that I wanted when I was in 8th grade and I bought them not long ago but now all I need is a hoodie to wear them with. The thing I love about this one is the brown with the other colors because I can pair with brown leggings!

 

 (men’s 2X or 3X- I love my hoodies huge and comfy like a blanket)

Velour Tracksuit $35 I know everyone had the Juicy Couture velour track suits a billion years ago now but I never had one! I think these are so cute and being cute and exercisy is amazing.. basically 60% of my wardrobe is cute as a button and athletic! 


(women’s 2X)


Tech- I feel I am always in a constant need to upgrade my tech game in order to better my blogging and YouTube work (especially if I want to make it a full time career)!

Smart Watch- I am listing 3 different ones only because there are different brands and styles out here. I want a watch that will track my steps, calendar reminders, allows me to text, and can answer/make phone calls. Not to mention I always wanted to be a Power Ranger!

Fossil Gen 3 Smartwatch $275 I love the two tone of the rose gold and navy.. it just looks classic! 


(Q VENTURE ROSE TWO TONE)

Michael Kors Bradshaw $350 I think this is the boujee one of the bunch… the most expensive for sure! But it looks like a regular watch face so kind of a disguise however it’s a touchscreen and it’s eggplant colored metal! 


(Plum color)

Apple Watch Series 1 $269 This is the most common smart watch you see on everyone’s wrist. It’s like the PSL of smart watches.. I am okay with being basic and having an Apple Watch as long as it looks semi girly like this one lol!


(38mm rose gold with pink sand sports band) 

Laptop- I need a common but specific laptop.. I found this one.. I could go for the Intel Core i7 with more memory and bigger hard drive but this is the basics of what I need to better edit my videos!

HP – 15.6″ Touch-Screen Laptop – Intel Core i5 – 8GB Memory – 1TB Hard Drive – HP finish in jet black $529 


(Click here for this one)  

Film Editing Software- VideoStudio Ultimate X10 for Windows $100 I could use a different one as long as it’s compatible with the laptop above.

 

Beauty- who would I be if I didn’t include beauty on a wish list.. I love reviewing beauty products.. So I kept it easy and picked my 4 top items from my Sephora “LOVES” list. And a KC product! 

Glow Recipe Watermelon Glow Sleeping Mask $45 Doesn’t this just sound amazing and looks divine! I want watermelon all over my face!

 

Moschino Pink Fresh Couture Perfume 1.0 oz $45 I have wanted the original windex perfume for the bottle but knew I wouldn’t like the notes.. but they released this one and it’s the bottle with my scents and color!!! 


 

Farsali Unicorn Essence Serum $54 I have wanted to try these skin enhancement drops since they were released but was always concerned with oiliness.. however I heard these are quite nice and not oily! 


 

Jo LOVES White Rose & Lemon Leaves Fragrance Paintbrush Gel $55 I have always wanted to try a Jo Malone fragrance and now this will give me that opportunity and with a cool bonus aspect.


 

I love shopping for a cause! The Kylie Cosmetic item I want is the lip kit in the color “Smile” and that is because 100% of the proceeds go to SmileTrain which is an amazing foundation that treats untreated cleft lips. This color is no longer available but if Kylie Jenner happens to read my blog lol… giiirrlll bring that color back I am sure it will sell out immediately and raise more money for that amazing foundation who blesses children and parents all around the world.


 

Home- Firstly I just moved so of course there are things I want but also I am working hard on creating an ambiance for us to live comfortably and work from here productively as well!

 

Keurig 2.0 $120 I loved having my Keurig prior it is so convenient for folks who like drastically different coffee flavors! And this one is not only in my favorite color but one step up from the basic one! 

(Color: Oasis) 
 

Wall Shelves Set of 4 $25 I want to add a little bit of storage and cuteness over our writing desk! I think white is needed to tie in more if the color combo for the guest room! 

Upholstered Office Chair $170 I picked this one because it’s brown and white and goes with the color scheme of the room but technically we could do any color that goes with brown and white! PS I love animal print and cow print is no different!


 

Neon Lights $100 I just want to see my name in lights and at the same time I think it would add something special to the background of my videos.


I would want it to say ToriaLouise so I may need 2!

 

Experiences- I always list things I want do and aside from these things listed I really just want to see my loved ones in CA, PA, FL.. and break aka “eat” cake with everyone. (when I say “cake” I mean cake, pie, and or donuts!!)

MOIC SF– this is the museum of ice cream that took over LA and is now opening in SF and I am happy to say that we will be attending so stay tuned for pics! 

 

Color Factory SF– this is another museum type attraction that has beautiful rooms full of imagination and creativity.. sadly tickets for October are not available so Color Factory if your reading my blog please open it up for me to attend in October I am sure you will sell out October as well! (update- there ticket sales website was malfunctioning when I was in there to buy tickets so I in fact missed out on the tickets I needed) 😦

 

Mac N Cheese in Wisconsin.. just ask yourself doesn’t it sound amazing to have mac n cheese in the home of cheese heads… they even have this delicious place called MACS and it’s a mac n cheese shop! 


 

Have visitors here in IL.. I want to show people what I have seen and maybe find something new with them!!

 

Like I said these are gifts I do not expect to receive in anyway from anyone. Just seeing or hearing “Happy Birthday” to me or reading beautiful comments is what I appreciate so very much! 

Love Toria

Moving Wants: Mom’s Room

🐘

List..List..List..List..List (in my Riri voice)

Okay so we are a few rooms in now and if you did not know.. I am planning on taking my mommy with me.  I am her caregiver and her only child so it is only natural that I take her with me! And her little doggy too!!

So now we are here building a Decor Inspo post for her room.. You know the drill this series is all about the list of things that I need from room to room.  This gives you a look into my decor hopefuls and I can not wait to show you how it turns out when we finally move in. ( still about 18 months)

I can not say it enough.. I am so so happy to have my mom with me again.. We are super close and are best friends!  I know this will be a hard transition for my mom as well as a culture shock when she is away from everything and everyone (besides us) she knows (especially Lani)… so I am hoping to fill her room with positive and bright decor.  Especially elephants with the trunks up(in honor of a love started by my Nana)!

BTW thank you internet for the great inspirational pics! (Links added)

 

Bed- (we have a queen size mattress set for her)

yellow-hb

Bedding

colourful-bs

elephant-bs

 

Furniture- White and bright

dog-crate

dresser2nd-dresser

 

Accent Furniture-

loveseat-mama

book-case

mirror

 

Accent Decor-

family-pics

happy-art

elephant-pillow

elephant-wa

curtains-mr

elephant-lamp

 

 

 

For Doggie-

dog-feedings-area

 

doggie-pee-pad

doggie-stairs

 
As I said for my Mama’s room there is nothing more important to me then to make this comfortable relaxing peaceful serene and beautiful.  I know at this time in my life I can not give her a big house or expensive gifts but if I can give her a room to call all her own decorated to her idea of beautiful than I would feel like a good daughter.  She deserves relaxation and serenity in life.. She has done so much for so many and it is time I give her some overdue relaxation.

Come Say Hi:

Twitter @prettytoria415

Insta @starvingprettytoria

SnapChat @toria415

YouTube: Pretty Toria

🐘

 

Thinking of Robin Williams and every one with a mental illness!

This week we lost one of my favorite celebrities from The Bay Area who was not only famous to The Bay, but to the world. He played the funny guy in so many movies and he played the funny guy in this hectic world, yet he was so sad inside and going through something for only God knows how long. He decided to take his own life. I have seen him in person interacting with your everyday person once helping people get there bags off the baggage carousel at the airport. Just goes to show you never know the battles of anyone until unfortunately sometimes it is just too late.

This is something that more than half the human race deals with. I am going to go on a hunch and say half of the people you think are so happy and easy going, not a worry in the world, living the “perfect life” have their issues too. The happiness you see through a smile is just a disguise to hide their problems. I myself and a more than a handful of people I know have thought or attempted in taking our own life. As a human when you are at your lowest the most common thoughts are “If I wasn’t here. Life would be better.” and “No one would miss me if I wasn’t here.” The one thing I took from my stress reduction class is to question the integrity of how your feeling or question the integrity of what you’re saying to yourself. Something that I have found helpful in this world is to find an outlet don’t just sit back and take a beating from yourself. Finding someone to talk to is step one. Whether this person is a friend that you can confide in or a new friend that you meet in a chat room, let that person become a shoulder to virtually cry on. Even if it is a paid person to listen to you, let that person be an outlet. Last but not least who for me is the one person that you should talk to on top of another one of the others is God. He is always listening to you regardless if you talk to Him personally or not it’s just you might hear His answers a little clearer if you are having a conversation with Him. Just know that if you were meant to be dead well you would be dead. You are meant to be a live and meant to have a chance at a new day every new morning that you are blessed with.

When it was time for me to reach out to a professional it was because I had so much anxiety at night time that I thought I was going to die in my sleep. This would ruin my day times because I was depressed about sleeping my days away and then having to go through the cycle again the next night. Every night I fell asleep it was not because I lay down and closed my eyes voluntarily but because I unknowingly passed out after fighting off my sleep for hours. Imagine being so scared to fall sleep that you forced yourself awake because you were not sure if that was going to be your last moment on this earth. I am not ready to die… I have so much to give in this world… I want to do so much… I have so much to accomplish in this lifetime… this just simply cannot be it… this is what plagued my mind constantly. Then when I finally fell asleep it would either be a dream of me falling off of a cliff and jumping out of my sleep gasping for air or a dream of spider webs covering my body. Yes… I would dream of waking up in the middle of night with spiders hanging over me or a maze of cob webs layered over my sleeping body and in the moment I feel like should I use my gymnastic moves that I only have in my dreams to get out of the webs and then destroy them but being human I jump out of bed and out of that dream. Then to top it off I have the fear that when my mom left the house or anyone that I cared for was set to come back to me they just simply did not come back. I have always just prayed my way out of both.

When talking to my boyfriend about this blog he says that when he has to explain his depression or anxiety to anyone he “describes it being just like a bummed knee or any other physical illness, you just learn to live with it and sometimes you have flair ups and you have to give it a little extra attention.” I think that he is absolutely right to compare it to any other ailment or illness but what sucks is you can’t live with this. It could get just as bad to where you hide away from the world. That in your paranoid mind the world is trying to “get you”, or deal with it so long you think that to give up and take your own life is your final choice. That is not living. Living takes surviving. That is suffering.

When I think of Robin Williams I can’t help but think of the Genie from Disney’s Aladdin. The Genie always came off in such a good mood granting wish after wish for whoever gave him the chance, while really just wanting to be free from it all. It wasn’t until Jafar got a hold of him and made him do dark things his job of being the happy magical Genie had disappeared and you see him as the prisoner he knew he was and settled with. Then in the last minute there is a fight for his life and he is liberated to roam as free as he wanted. I can’t help but think he was going through the darkest times of his career and obviously his life and just wanted to be that free genie. I am confident that he is in Heaven cracking jokes and making voices. The Lord knows our struggles and is a foot ahead of our freewill choices it is our destiny and he wrote the book. The world will miss a legend like Robin Williams but we can take all that he has done and turn his glorious life and tragic death into the great inspiration that he was and always will be.

I can tell you how much I prayed my way to get out of it, but if I told you that my depression and anxiety at night was gone or even that I had answers to this illness that would be a lie. What does help me get by is picking up new hobbies, collecting new things, basically a distraction for my mind to think of anything else. Lately what has been helping not only me but my boyfriend as well is embracing Our Heavenly Father more than ever before. I am ready to get “foundated” in a Christian church that has a message of love and peace, listen to Christian music that is uplifting and nothing but positive. Just be a positive person all around and try to only uplift those around me, but also try and not worry about things just truly trust in His plan for me, oh and who can forget to Pray! My battle strategy doesn’t have to be the one for you or maybe it is, either way you need to fight this war. Think of outlets and a game plan, I am always an email away to help you. The one thing I do know is suicide is not the answer to your problems, there is help… if you need a virtual shoulder to lean on I encourage you to please email me, I will answer, listen to you, and give you some free advice that you can take with a grain of salt or take to the heart. I am here to pray with you, pray for you, or pray for me. Just reach out a finger and email me or call someone anyone, the world as cruel as it is can be a beautiful place, a place of The Lords children. You are one too. If you think no one will miss you are wrong, I will miss you and miss out on the chance to make a new friend.

Email me at:
prettytoria415@gmail.com

Don’t be afraid to call someone, if you think you have no one then I encourage you to call the Suicide Hotline at:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255