I Lied To You

Hi Guys!

I have come today to be honest with you all. I have been lying to you for all these years! I’m sorry!

Yes I have depression.. anxiety.. diabetes.. fibromyalgia.. and making list after list does in fact keep me calm!

But besides this I have not been myself on here or on YouTube! I have been trying my hardest to portray the characteristics of the popular girls. Why because I wanted to be liked by the world and be successful at this life.

I can’t hold up to this facade anymore it is so tiring. I need to be myself! TBH it is not working either so what do I have to lose!?

I am Victoria and I am a city girl who is country at heart. I don’t think I will ever have a modern home.. I want a country farmhouse home but currently just have a normal home that is not decorated to the nines.

I am quirky and nerdy and dress kind of weird.. I don’t mind being in what some don’t considered trendy clothing as long as I am dressed cute and comfy to me!

I live for food, fashion(my style), and beauty! I try my best to incorporate food into my fashion and beauty 95% of the time! I am the biggest animal lover (also incorporated into my fashion) and cry almost everyday because of animal videos or looking at adoption websites!

I am overly sensitive like more sensitive than most young children.. if there is a story on about Christmas or love or a talent show on tv I will cry! Not just cry but ball my eyes out!

If I could have Christmas decor up 24/7 365 days a year.. I WOULD!! I am going to try doing Christmas at Halloween time this year coming! I want to be Mrs. Claus and decorating my home as the North Pole! I have believed in Santa for 34 years and will never not!

I am an organized dreamer.. I dream of one day marrying my best friend but have accepted that that may not happen and as long as I am with him and we are happy in life I will be wonderful. Just like I dream of being a mom via adoption because I don’t want to be pregnant.. but also accept that I may just be a fur mom and the cool aunt to my nieces and nephews! I dream of homes.. food.. travel.. even my wardrobe picks for seasons to come even if I will never have these things. But the reason I say organized is because it starts as a list and ends in a slideshow show presentation sometimes with a buying plan. I can show you my organization on another blog. However I think I dream so much because of things that I have been through and it helps me hide in oblivion behind sparkles and sequins!

Things that have happened to me were the reason I acted out and made poor choices at times in life or wanted to be someone else.. but I have prayed continually to God for forgiveness and guidance for myself and the ones who victimized me! I have been forgiven by God and know that everyone makes mistakes.. my mistakes have everything to do with who I am!

My family especially my SO.. my mom.. and my goddaughter.. and all of my family also have helped me to be a better me and truly mean everything to me and if I could do little things or big things to make them happy.. that is my goal in life! It’s makes me happy to see the ones I love happy!

I HOPE YALL CAN ACCEPT ME FOR ME!

I want to revamp my blog theme and my YouTube site.. I need to be myself. I love being funny while talking about the things I love. It doesn’t matter if I am successful at these things as much as I would like to be.. I can no longer do this to try and be a popular one.. I just need to be me.. and if the world likes me then it’s a blessing but if they don’t then that’s okay because I love me and that is a bigger blessing!

Until next time my pretties!!

Love Toria Louise

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5 Items: Burlington Coat Factory

Hi Guys,
This is the beginning of greatness!! I would like to start a new series all about bargain shopping! I am a bargain shopper by blood from my mama… and I can clearance hunt with the best of them aka my mom and aunts!

My family loves to shop… we used to and if we can.. we will still eat our meals on turkey-day all while planning our plan of attack on the sales that are about to unleash! Maybe the love of shopping for most of us is why I truly believe in retail therapy! LOL!

This series will be called 5 items and it is really just 5 bargain items from different stores… sometimes I will give myself a challenge when buying these items or like today just great items I found at a really good price!

Today’s 5 items are from one of my favorite stores and that is Burlington Coat Factory (BFC), this store is a great place to buy clothing, fashion accessories, shoes, beauty, home goods and so much more. I almost found a bit of it all… lol!!

The first item I found was a men’s denim button up that I thought would be cute as a light throw for those days where the sun is out like summer but there is also that lovely fall breeze! This is a Guess shirt that originally retailed for 89 bucks but I was able to purchase it on clearance for just $17!


The second item I found also is an item made by Guess… but these are slides and unless you live under a rock then you know slides took over this year like never before! I was looking at the Guess slides online and when I saw them in BFC I jumped on them! They retail for 25 bucks and I bought them for $15… not as big as a deal as the first item but saving is saving!


The third item of course is a notebook because stationary, books, and journals is always a stop at every store… this notebook is cute, pink, and motivational! The notebook retails for 14 bucks and I bought it for $4!


The fourth item I found was not something I needed but something I wanted for the new place. I saw this and thought this would be so cute in my dining area with the rest of my farmhousey items! The canister retails for 10 bucks and I bought it for $5!


The last item was not actually an item for me but a gift for Lani… she turned 13 recently… becoming a teenage girl, getting into makeup, becoming a young woman and I knew she would need to find her scent! So I picked up a 1D perfume that smells divine and the bottle is so precious! If I can find another I will add one to my collection. This perfume retails for 16 bucks and I bought it for $7.


And there you have it the 5 items from BFC.. what do you think? Let’s run some numbers:

Retail Value: $145 – Purchased Value:$48 – Value Saved:$97

I will take that 97 bucks any day… this is why I love the being a Deal Hunter! I hope you enjoyed this new series.. I look forward to the future of this series of course… it’s all about shopping!! I am excited to go for other stores and challenges. The challenges can be a budget or a look alike outfit from a magazine.. I am going to try and be creative with the challenges! If you have any challenge ideas or stores you want to see me try.. Just let me know!

Love Toria

Birthday Wish List 2017

Hi Guys,

It’s that time of the year again…. MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

That means… this is my annual Birthday Wish List! Unfortunately in this day an age disclaimers are needed to hopefully avoid one of the internet trolls lol..

*DISCLAIMER* Do not read much into my list that I post it is basically my if I could have anything what would that look like. I am not one who makes a list and gets everything on it or even anything on it as gifts. I normally buy myself things on my wish list that I really want! I do not expect gifts from anyone just love and cake haha.. Also I want to know what items would be on your wish list?? 

All I really want for my bday is.. God’s blessings, good vibes, great food, and a functioning world that allows me to grow old with my loved ones!! 

Let’s get this started.. 

Fashion: I love clothing, shoes, and all things fashion. (I dream of giant two level walk in closet) I shop year round and would consider myself somewhat of a pro at shopping. I do not worry about what everyone else wears or thinks is in trend.. I simply just buy what I like and what makes me feel great!

Adidas EQT Support ADV in Lavender Monochrome $110 I have wanted these for a little while now and just think they are the most adorable sneakers ever.. I know pastel colors are technically spring colors but I love wearing what others think are “seasonal” colors all year round! 

adidas egt lavender

(women’s size 10)

Vans Mono Canvas Old Skool in Skyway (light blue) $55 I have always wanted a pair of these but never wanted to buy the basic colors and now these have arrived in my sight.

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(women’s size 10.5)

Rue 21 Plus Camo 3pc Sweatsuit $57 (for all three)- yes I know these may be lounge wear or look like PJ’s but they look amazing!

Hoodie $19

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(women’s 2X)

Cardigan Duster $19

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(women’s 3X)

Leggings $19

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(women’s 2X)

Fila Trayton Hoodie $68– I have these Fila Grant Hill’s that I wanted when I was in 8th grade and I bought them not long ago but now all I need is a hoodie to wear them with. The thing I love about this one is the brown with the other colors because I can pair with brown leggings!

 

 (men’s 2X or 3X- I love my hoodies huge and comfy like a blanket)

Velour Tracksuit $35 I know everyone had the Juicy Couture velour track suits a billion years ago now but I never had one! I think these are so cute and being cute and exercisy is amazing.. basically 60% of my wardrobe is cute as a button and athletic! 


(women’s 2X)


Tech- I feel I am always in a constant need to upgrade my tech game in order to better my blogging and YouTube work (especially if I want to make it a full time career)!

Smart Watch- I am listing 3 different ones only because there are different brands and styles out here. I want a watch that will track my steps, calendar reminders, allows me to text, and can answer/make phone calls. Not to mention I always wanted to be a Power Ranger!

Fossil Gen 3 Smartwatch $275 I love the two tone of the rose gold and navy.. it just looks classic! 


(Q VENTURE ROSE TWO TONE)

Michael Kors Bradshaw $350 I think this is the boujee one of the bunch… the most expensive for sure! But it looks like a regular watch face so kind of a disguise however it’s a touchscreen and it’s eggplant colored metal! 


(Plum color)

Apple Watch Series 1 $269 This is the most common smart watch you see on everyone’s wrist. It’s like the PSL of smart watches.. I am okay with being basic and having an Apple Watch as long as it looks semi girly like this one lol!


(38mm rose gold with pink sand sports band) 

Laptop- I need a common but specific laptop.. I found this one.. I could go for the Intel Core i7 with more memory and bigger hard drive but this is the basics of what I need to better edit my videos!

HP – 15.6″ Touch-Screen Laptop – Intel Core i5 – 8GB Memory – 1TB Hard Drive – HP finish in jet black $529 


(Click here for this one)  

Film Editing Software- VideoStudio Ultimate X10 for Windows $100 I could use a different one as long as it’s compatible with the laptop above.

 

Beauty- who would I be if I didn’t include beauty on a wish list.. I love reviewing beauty products.. So I kept it easy and picked my 4 top items from my Sephora “LOVES” list. And a KC product! 

Glow Recipe Watermelon Glow Sleeping Mask $45 Doesn’t this just sound amazing and looks divine! I want watermelon all over my face!

 

Moschino Pink Fresh Couture Perfume 1.0 oz $45 I have wanted the original windex perfume for the bottle but knew I wouldn’t like the notes.. but they released this one and it’s the bottle with my scents and color!!! 


 

Farsali Unicorn Essence Serum $54 I have wanted to try these skin enhancement drops since they were released but was always concerned with oiliness.. however I heard these are quite nice and not oily! 


 

Jo LOVES White Rose & Lemon Leaves Fragrance Paintbrush Gel $55 I have always wanted to try a Jo Malone fragrance and now this will give me that opportunity and with a cool bonus aspect.


 

I love shopping for a cause! The Kylie Cosmetic item I want is the lip kit in the color “Smile” and that is because 100% of the proceeds go to SmileTrain which is an amazing foundation that treats untreated cleft lips. This color is no longer available but if Kylie Jenner happens to read my blog lol… giiirrlll bring that color back I am sure it will sell out immediately and raise more money for that amazing foundation who blesses children and parents all around the world.


 

Home- Firstly I just moved so of course there are things I want but also I am working hard on creating an ambiance for us to live comfortably and work from here productively as well!

 

Keurig 2.0 $120 I loved having my Keurig prior it is so convenient for folks who like drastically different coffee flavors! And this one is not only in my favorite color but one step up from the basic one! 

(Color: Oasis) 
 

Wall Shelves Set of 4 $25 I want to add a little bit of storage and cuteness over our writing desk! I think white is needed to tie in more if the color combo for the guest room! 

Upholstered Office Chair $170 I picked this one because it’s brown and white and goes with the color scheme of the room but technically we could do any color that goes with brown and white! PS I love animal print and cow print is no different!


 

Neon Lights $100 I just want to see my name in lights and at the same time I think it would add something special to the background of my videos.


I would want it to say ToriaLouise so I may need 2!

 

Experiences- I always list things I want do and aside from these things listed I really just want to see my loved ones in CA, PA, FL.. and break aka “eat” cake with everyone. (when I say “cake” I mean cake, pie, and or donuts!!)

MOIC SF– this is the museum of ice cream that took over LA and is now opening in SF and I am happy to say that we will be attending so stay tuned for pics! 

 

Color Factory SF– this is another museum type attraction that has beautiful rooms full of imagination and creativity.. sadly tickets for October are not available so Color Factory if your reading my blog please open it up for me to attend in October I am sure you will sell out October as well! (update- there ticket sales website was malfunctioning when I was in there to buy tickets so I in fact missed out on the tickets I needed) 😦

 

Mac N Cheese in Wisconsin.. just ask yourself doesn’t it sound amazing to have mac n cheese in the home of cheese heads… they even have this delicious place called MACS and it’s a mac n cheese shop! 


 

Have visitors here in IL.. I want to show people what I have seen and maybe find something new with them!!

 

Like I said these are gifts I do not expect to receive in anyway from anyone. Just seeing or hearing “Happy Birthday” to me or reading beautiful comments is what I appreciate so very much! 

Love Toria

New Anxiety Technique

Sorry not sorry for the super long post!

I know my normal blogging has turned into more list of pictures and what not.. But this post is going to be all about ANXIETY and if you have it this may help you…

As many of you know I have:

  1. Anxiety
  2. Depression
  3. Hypersensitivity
  4. Possibly Fibromyalgia
  5. Diabetes and more!

I have really been going through it lately! So much so that I was hurting my body with the amount of pressure that I was allowing my anxiety to put inside me. The pulling of my neck… migraines… chest pressure… stomach aches.. Recently I was given medicine for what may be Fibromyalgia (that I should take more religiously so I could get rid of the pain) and yes thinking about the mobility pain made me nervous but the idea of taking medicine makes me even more nervous -_- !

Imagine living with your stomach feeling constant dread, your mind always worried, your body shaky and now you’re sometimes stuttering.. Y’all must think I am so stupid for not taking the pills to help my pain.. I sometimes think the same but knowing I was not only scared about taking the medicine, the pain, and everything else but I was also soooo wrapped up with what everyone thought about me. I guess you can say I cared so much that I forgot about ME!

Let’s go back a month or so… I was at work which is a place that already gives me major anxiety because I always try to do my very best to perform well at whatever roll I am in. (no matter what the roll every roll plays a part in your success, your bank accounts success, and company success) For the most part my peers notice my work ethic from day one but I have been dealt a handful of people who do not and it bothered me. I just hate when someone thinks bad of me…

At the same time big changes were happening in my household as my SO was leaving the company we both had worked for and moving to a new state. No surprise but I am horrible with change.. If you couldn’t tell. He will be commuting back and forth and eventually I will make the move and join him. This change meant I would be leaving not only family and friends but everything I have ever known.

I knew I needed to seek help and speak with my therapist… so I called and made an appointment.  While there my doctor told me about this training or seminar she recently attended and a new technique she learned and even practiced herself on herself.  I am not sure about the name but basically when you feel the anxiety to begin to knock at your door you invite the anxiety in but not only in but to give you everything it has.  I know this may sound strange or if you’re like me this may sound life and death drastically dangerous.  I gave my doctor the side eye and honestly took in the info but thought I would never be strong enough to even try this.

The next day I was at work… needless to say my stomach was churning butterflies and anxiety was getting ready for lift off. I decided to talk to it (learning that yes anxiety is its own being and no anxiety is not who I am) and asked kindly “anxiety give me all you got!” I began to feel stronger than it and a little angry at it so I said to it “YOU CAN’T HURT ME.” Now really feeling strong I demanded for it “to hit me with its best shot!” I could feel the anxiety building up like that feeling you get when you’re about to puke. The anxiety started in my gut and kept rising into my throat.

I could tell the anxiety wanted me to give in and stay weak but I didn’t. No matter how scared I was I encouraged the anxiety to keep going. I was literally nauseated from this. All of a sudden… finally… I COULD BREATHE!!! In my mind I had just vomited all of my anxiety out and it was all over the floor fading away.

The way I felt after was a sense of relief. When thinking about the intense changes coming my way I got excited for the adventure ahead. I got excited for my family and friends to come and visit. And when it came to work.. I am moving leaving this company anyways and as I will always be the type of person to give a roll my best… if some chose not to notice or encourage that well that is eventually there loss. Since the first time with this technique I have been kind of calm and back to my old self just a tad.  I used to be the type of person who was good with doing my best and just rolling with everything that came my way. What is meant to be will be and God has a reason for everything!

Until this past Monday which marked the week prior to my SO leaving! My mind has been going in circles and anxiety skyrocketing. I have not tried to use the technique yet because I feel like everyday it will hit me especially the day he takes off on this journey and I am not mentally ready for this battle again.

BTW- I have realized that anxiety has been here so long I have started to use it as a security blanket.. so scary to think about how much power IT has!
-To be continued-

Yummy Mushroom Soup

First I am vegetarian now so learning to cook with my new lifestyle choice. Secondly we are moving and I will be responsible to cook for my family and get us healthy! No eating out as much since I may not have a job right away… hope you enjoy my adventure!

I have been craving the mushroom soup from a specific restaurant that sales cheesecake maybe made in a factory. I don’t mention there name because every time I have gone to get said soup I have been let down by the customer service and have left even before ordering.  Anyways I have been craving it and finally decided to create a recipe based on flavors in my head and experiment. I happy to say that this first try is so yummy and my SO (who is my guinea pig) says it is better than that cheesecake selling factory.

Give it a try and let me know if you adjust anything and at the end I will tell you what I will add next time.

Ingredients-

1 stick butter (1/2 cup)

1 tsp minced garlic

1/2 of a white onion diced

2 celery stalks diced

16oz (2 square packs) mushrooms, halved

10oz heavy cream

1 8oz can broth (I used vegetable)

salt, pepper, and Parmesan cheese to taste

 

Time To Cook:

Start by prepping your veggies dicing onion and celery, also halving your mushrooms.

Heat a large saucepan and once heated add butter. When butter is melting coat the pan and add in the garlic, onions, and celery. Stir with wooden spoon until the onions are becoming translucent and at that point add in your mushrooms. Cover with pan lid to tenderize the mushrooms faster.

When you notice the mushrooms begin to shrivel or tenderize add in your heavy cream. Let simmer for about 10-15 minutes slowly stirring and lightly pressing mushrooms down at the same time. (We are basically trying to infuse the cream with mushroom flavor)

After simmering the cream with veggies you want add in your can of broth. Let this simmer for 5-10 minutes stirring and pressing again.  Now you get to add in salt, pepper, and cheese for taste. Just a reminder you don’t want to over salt or pepper the soup so I used lightly coated the top of my soup 2 and a half times and it was good.

For the cheese it depends on how cheesy you want your soup I opted for less cheesy and added to good sized dollops.

After you have come to your preferred taste in the saucepan you are going to add your mix into the blender. Blend this until it is liquid about 4 minutes. You can taste here to add more cheese or salt and pepper.

I wasn’t happy with the consistency so I added cornstarch. 1 tsp cornstarch and 1/8 cup hot water and deluted the cornstarch so no clumps were there.  I poured it into the blender and blended for 2 minutes. Let this sit for 5 minutes to thicken.

-Next time I will add sautéed mushroom pieces to garnish the soup and to add texture.

 

I hope y’all enjoy this recipe and let me know how you enhance or embellish or just enjoy it!

Can I Wear That: Joanna Gaines

**DISCLAIMER** I am just someone who enjoys fashion.. I am not instructing anyone to go out and purchase these items or follow my lead.  I am just pointing out certain aspects of other women’s fashion that I think are fantastic choices that I am considering adding into my own wardrobe.

Can I just say I absolutely adore Joanna Gaines.. her style with fashion and home decor inspires me everyday.  But also I just admire the wholesome down to earth family focused who can also be a boss in business ladies still left in this world.

Thanks to the world wide web for the pics and info on these products!

 

1.Neutrals

jg1

2.Denim Jacket

jg2

3.Coats

jg3

4.T-Shirts

jg4

5.Tunics

jg5

6.Bold Shoe

jg6

7.Delicate Tanks

jg7

8.Short Dresses

jg8

9.Maxi Dresses/Skirts

jg9

10.Denim on denim

jg10

11.Simple beautiful hair and makeup

jg11

12.Boots

jg12

 

I hope you enjoy this posting and let me know your opinion on adding these items to my closet.  I am looking forward to adding a few more list under this post title!

PS… If it is okay with you guys I would like to do a follow up with my version of the items listed above as well as where and when I bought them with links.  How bout that?<< had to do it!!

Till next time my pretties!

Current Anxiety Reducers

My anxiety is always here and I am still against the whole medication thing.  I am one who depends on prayer and activities to help me.  Previously I have given y’all my things I would do to help myself get out of the funk and since that is almost always changing as life always does… I figure why not an update!

 

  1. Making List

 

I have notebook galore and I am always buying more because I make list after list after list.. About everything and anything you can think of.  And since my blog is basically all list I think you already knew this!  I can actually finally say I have gotten closer to filling up a full notebook every single page in it (I feel so accomplished) so I feel now would be a good time to try one of those books that inspire you to make list.

 

Here is the one I went with from Amazon: >>CLICK HERE<<

list-maker

  1. Plan

 

I love to plan events even if they are just imaginary at the moment!  Ever since I was little I have been planning weddings and wedding events for myself.  I did it so often I wanted to become a wedding planner.  With the help of Pinterest and Google Chrome I have now made slides of the wedding I am convinced I want.  In fact I have shared a few wedding themes I am thinking of with you here on my blog.

Here are the are my blogs all about my wedding wants: Blog 1Blog 2Blog 3

Here is a page of the Google Slide that I created:

wedding-slide

  1. Design

 

Much like wedding planning I have been designing since I was a teenager on graph paper making blue prints to each room.  And through the years I have been designing dream homes on paper and Pinterest.  Now that we are moving soon I have been utilizing Google Chrome to design our next home.  However I have come across this game app that allows you to design rooms based on requirements for money and all the other players get to vote on your room designs and you can win furniture items.  The app is called Design Home and I am sure it is available on the Google Play store as well as I-Tunes where I got it.

 

Take a look here at the app screen shots- 1st you see your requirements, 2nd you design, and 3rd they vote and you get a rating.

dh1dh2dh3

 

That is the current list… but I thought I would throw in a few things I have done for a long time and a few coping mechanisms that I wish I could adapt:

 

In the past I would do many of the things here but I would also shop a whole lot and do not get it wrong I still shop way too much.. especially when things feel bad buying something new makes me feel new.  But I also used to write music and poetry and I miss doing that soooo much!!  I also love to eat, hang out with the loves of my life, spend hours online researching, and of course play with make up.. and most importantly I like to pray even though my depression sometimes doesn’t allow me to do so.

The coping mechanisms that I am hoping to adapt besides writing music and poetry again are: cleaning, organization, minimizing, read books and exercising.  If I could focus my energy on activities like these maybe I could get a cycle of healthy happiness instead of shopping and eating to cope with anxiety and depression.

Oh and BTW I also want to learn to travel with zero anxiety but I will be happy with less anxiety over the amount that I get!
Till next time my pretties!