I Lied To You

Hi Guys!

I have come today to be honest with you all. I have been lying to you for all these years! I’m sorry!

Yes I have depression.. anxiety.. diabetes.. fibromyalgia.. and making list after list does in fact keep me calm!

But besides this I have not been myself on here or on YouTube! I have been trying my hardest to portray the characteristics of the popular girls. Why because I wanted to be liked by the world and be successful at this life.

I can’t hold up to this facade anymore it is so tiring. I need to be myself! TBH it is not working either so what do I have to lose!?

I am Victoria and I am a city girl who is country at heart. I don’t think I will ever have a modern home.. I want a country farmhouse home but currently just have a normal home that is not decorated to the nines.

I am quirky and nerdy and dress kind of weird.. I don’t mind being in what some don’t considered trendy clothing as long as I am dressed cute and comfy to me!

I live for food, fashion(my style), and beauty! I try my best to incorporate food into my fashion and beauty 95% of the time! I am the biggest animal lover (also incorporated into my fashion) and cry almost everyday because of animal videos or looking at adoption websites!

I am overly sensitive like more sensitive than most young children.. if there is a story on about Christmas or love or a talent show on tv I will cry! Not just cry but ball my eyes out!

If I could have Christmas decor up 24/7 365 days a year.. I WOULD!! I am going to try doing Christmas at Halloween time this year coming! I want to be Mrs. Claus and decorating my home as the North Pole! I have believed in Santa for 34 years and will never not!

I am an organized dreamer.. I dream of one day marrying my best friend but have accepted that that may not happen and as long as I am with him and we are happy in life I will be wonderful. Just like I dream of being a mom via adoption because I don’t want to be pregnant.. but also accept that I may just be a fur mom and the cool aunt to my nieces and nephews! I dream of homes.. food.. travel.. even my wardrobe picks for seasons to come even if I will never have these things. But the reason I say organized is because it starts as a list and ends in a slideshow show presentation sometimes with a buying plan. I can show you my organization on another blog. However I think I dream so much because of things that I have been through and it helps me hide in oblivion behind sparkles and sequins!

Things that have happened to me were the reason I acted out and made poor choices at times in life or wanted to be someone else.. but I have prayed continually to God for forgiveness and guidance for myself and the ones who victimized me! I have been forgiven by God and know that everyone makes mistakes.. my mistakes have everything to do with who I am!

My family especially my SO.. my mom.. and my goddaughter.. and all of my family also have helped me to be a better me and truly mean everything to me and if I could do little things or big things to make them happy.. that is my goal in life! It’s makes me happy to see the ones I love happy!

I HOPE YALL CAN ACCEPT ME FOR ME!

I want to revamp my blog theme and my YouTube site.. I need to be myself. I love being funny while talking about the things I love. It doesn’t matter if I am successful at these things as much as I would like to be.. I can no longer do this to try and be a popular one.. I just need to be me.. and if the world likes me then it’s a blessing but if they don’t then that’s okay because I love me and that is a bigger blessing!

Until next time my pretties!!

Love Toria Louise

Advertisements

5 Items: Burlington Coat Factory

Hi Guys,
This is the beginning of greatness!! I would like to start a new series all about bargain shopping! I am a bargain shopper by blood from my mama… and I can clearance hunt with the best of them aka my mom and aunts!

My family loves to shop… we used to and if we can.. we will still eat our meals on turkey-day all while planning our plan of attack on the sales that are about to unleash! Maybe the love of shopping for most of us is why I truly believe in retail therapy! LOL!

This series will be called 5 items and it is really just 5 bargain items from different stores… sometimes I will give myself a challenge when buying these items or like today just great items I found at a really good price!

Today’s 5 items are from one of my favorite stores and that is Burlington Coat Factory (BFC), this store is a great place to buy clothing, fashion accessories, shoes, beauty, home goods and so much more. I almost found a bit of it all… lol!!

The first item I found was a men’s denim button up that I thought would be cute as a light throw for those days where the sun is out like summer but there is also that lovely fall breeze! This is a Guess shirt that originally retailed for 89 bucks but I was able to purchase it on clearance for just $17!


The second item I found also is an item made by Guess… but these are slides and unless you live under a rock then you know slides took over this year like never before! I was looking at the Guess slides online and when I saw them in BFC I jumped on them! They retail for 25 bucks and I bought them for $15… not as big as a deal as the first item but saving is saving!


The third item of course is a notebook because stationary, books, and journals is always a stop at every store… this notebook is cute, pink, and motivational! The notebook retails for 14 bucks and I bought it for $4!


The fourth item I found was not something I needed but something I wanted for the new place. I saw this and thought this would be so cute in my dining area with the rest of my farmhousey items! The canister retails for 10 bucks and I bought it for $5!


The last item was not actually an item for me but a gift for Lani… she turned 13 recently… becoming a teenage girl, getting into makeup, becoming a young woman and I knew she would need to find her scent! So I picked up a 1D perfume that smells divine and the bottle is so precious! If I can find another I will add one to my collection. This perfume retails for 16 bucks and I bought it for $7.


And there you have it the 5 items from BFC.. what do you think? Let’s run some numbers:

Retail Value: $145 – Purchased Value:$48 – Value Saved:$97

I will take that 97 bucks any day… this is why I love the being a Deal Hunter! I hope you enjoyed this new series.. I look forward to the future of this series of course… it’s all about shopping!! I am excited to go for other stores and challenges. The challenges can be a budget or a look alike outfit from a magazine.. I am going to try and be creative with the challenges! If you have any challenge ideas or stores you want to see me try.. Just let me know!

Love Toria

Lifestyle Wants: Grown Up Childish Wish List

Grown Up Childish Wish List

 

Let’s start with a disclaimer.. I know I may never get all or any of the things on this list.. This is not “I want I get” lifestyle but a “list calm my anxiety” lifestyle.  I am just doing what I am best at and that is something I do everyday.. MAKING LIST AFTER LIST!!

 

There is a little kid left inside everyone but for me half of my inner self is still a child.  I like shiny sparkly cutesy things that are made to attract children.

 

So please take a look at this “wish” list and enjoy the “whimsically” (I am “quotation” happy today)… I have tagged all of the stores where you can take a look at these items in the pictures! (meaning pics are not of my own- as if you didn’t know that lol)

 

1.Mermaids

  • Tail Blanket– How mystical would you feel if every day after work you went home and threw on your tail and snuggled on the couch!

IMG_9033

  • Crown– I do not know about you guys but this is beautiful and makes me want her hair too!!

IMG_9034

2.Unicorns

  • Slippers-COME ON!! Who doesn’t need these.. The cheeks light up!!

IMG_9032

  • Wall Mount– If I do not get one of these for one wall of mine I may go insane!

IMG_9043

3.Hello Kitty

  • Purse– I have always wanted this purse. It is classy HK!

IMG_9035

IMG_9036

 

4.Disney

  • Makeup– look at the packaging and colors of this UD AW palette

IMG_9037

IMG_9038

 

5.Animals

  • Jewelry– this necklace is the most amazing thing in the world

IMG_9040

  • Socks– my life would not be the same without fun socks

IMG_9039

 

6.Clothing

  • T-Shirts– ummm hello we all must hold on to our youth

FullSizeRender

  • Leggings– and really these leggings are worth all the worlds of Butterbeer!

hpleg

I hope you guys enjoyed this list… I again just love making list and everyday use list as a mechanism to pass time without becoming anxious!

I will see you guys soon with another list.. and on September 2nd my Lifestyle Wants: 33rd Birthday Wish List!  If you want to see another of my list sooner check this Food From The Middle States List. <<click<<  Update on this list I will be taking a trip for my birthday and will get to try food in two of those states!!! I will update here with a blog post and a vlog post on my YouTube channel link down below.

Come Say Hi-

Twitter- @prettytoria415

Snap Chat- @toria415

Insta- @starvingprettytoria

YouTube- Pretty Toria

 

Thinking of Robin Williams and every one with a mental illness!

This week we lost one of my favorite celebrities from The Bay Area who was not only famous to The Bay, but to the world. He played the funny guy in so many movies and he played the funny guy in this hectic world, yet he was so sad inside and going through something for only God knows how long. He decided to take his own life. I have seen him in person interacting with your everyday person once helping people get there bags off the baggage carousel at the airport. Just goes to show you never know the battles of anyone until unfortunately sometimes it is just too late.

This is something that more than half the human race deals with. I am going to go on a hunch and say half of the people you think are so happy and easy going, not a worry in the world, living the “perfect life” have their issues too. The happiness you see through a smile is just a disguise to hide their problems. I myself and a more than a handful of people I know have thought or attempted in taking our own life. As a human when you are at your lowest the most common thoughts are “If I wasn’t here. Life would be better.” and “No one would miss me if I wasn’t here.” The one thing I took from my stress reduction class is to question the integrity of how your feeling or question the integrity of what you’re saying to yourself. Something that I have found helpful in this world is to find an outlet don’t just sit back and take a beating from yourself. Finding someone to talk to is step one. Whether this person is a friend that you can confide in or a new friend that you meet in a chat room, let that person become a shoulder to virtually cry on. Even if it is a paid person to listen to you, let that person be an outlet. Last but not least who for me is the one person that you should talk to on top of another one of the others is God. He is always listening to you regardless if you talk to Him personally or not it’s just you might hear His answers a little clearer if you are having a conversation with Him. Just know that if you were meant to be dead well you would be dead. You are meant to be a live and meant to have a chance at a new day every new morning that you are blessed with.

When it was time for me to reach out to a professional it was because I had so much anxiety at night time that I thought I was going to die in my sleep. This would ruin my day times because I was depressed about sleeping my days away and then having to go through the cycle again the next night. Every night I fell asleep it was not because I lay down and closed my eyes voluntarily but because I unknowingly passed out after fighting off my sleep for hours. Imagine being so scared to fall sleep that you forced yourself awake because you were not sure if that was going to be your last moment on this earth. I am not ready to die… I have so much to give in this world… I want to do so much… I have so much to accomplish in this lifetime… this just simply cannot be it… this is what plagued my mind constantly. Then when I finally fell asleep it would either be a dream of me falling off of a cliff and jumping out of my sleep gasping for air or a dream of spider webs covering my body. Yes… I would dream of waking up in the middle of night with spiders hanging over me or a maze of cob webs layered over my sleeping body and in the moment I feel like should I use my gymnastic moves that I only have in my dreams to get out of the webs and then destroy them but being human I jump out of bed and out of that dream. Then to top it off I have the fear that when my mom left the house or anyone that I cared for was set to come back to me they just simply did not come back. I have always just prayed my way out of both.

When talking to my boyfriend about this blog he says that when he has to explain his depression or anxiety to anyone he “describes it being just like a bummed knee or any other physical illness, you just learn to live with it and sometimes you have flair ups and you have to give it a little extra attention.” I think that he is absolutely right to compare it to any other ailment or illness but what sucks is you can’t live with this. It could get just as bad to where you hide away from the world. That in your paranoid mind the world is trying to “get you”, or deal with it so long you think that to give up and take your own life is your final choice. That is not living. Living takes surviving. That is suffering.

When I think of Robin Williams I can’t help but think of the Genie from Disney’s Aladdin. The Genie always came off in such a good mood granting wish after wish for whoever gave him the chance, while really just wanting to be free from it all. It wasn’t until Jafar got a hold of him and made him do dark things his job of being the happy magical Genie had disappeared and you see him as the prisoner he knew he was and settled with. Then in the last minute there is a fight for his life and he is liberated to roam as free as he wanted. I can’t help but think he was going through the darkest times of his career and obviously his life and just wanted to be that free genie. I am confident that he is in Heaven cracking jokes and making voices. The Lord knows our struggles and is a foot ahead of our freewill choices it is our destiny and he wrote the book. The world will miss a legend like Robin Williams but we can take all that he has done and turn his glorious life and tragic death into the great inspiration that he was and always will be.

I can tell you how much I prayed my way to get out of it, but if I told you that my depression and anxiety at night was gone or even that I had answers to this illness that would be a lie. What does help me get by is picking up new hobbies, collecting new things, basically a distraction for my mind to think of anything else. Lately what has been helping not only me but my boyfriend as well is embracing Our Heavenly Father more than ever before. I am ready to get “foundated” in a Christian church that has a message of love and peace, listen to Christian music that is uplifting and nothing but positive. Just be a positive person all around and try to only uplift those around me, but also try and not worry about things just truly trust in His plan for me, oh and who can forget to Pray! My battle strategy doesn’t have to be the one for you or maybe it is, either way you need to fight this war. Think of outlets and a game plan, I am always an email away to help you. The one thing I do know is suicide is not the answer to your problems, there is help… if you need a virtual shoulder to lean on I encourage you to please email me, I will answer, listen to you, and give you some free advice that you can take with a grain of salt or take to the heart. I am here to pray with you, pray for you, or pray for me. Just reach out a finger and email me or call someone anyone, the world as cruel as it is can be a beautiful place, a place of The Lords children. You are one too. If you think no one will miss you are wrong, I will miss you and miss out on the chance to make a new friend.

Email me at:
prettytoria415@gmail.com

Don’t be afraid to call someone, if you think you have no one then I encourage you to call the Suicide Hotline at:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255